[As Ted watches the pornographic movie "Archisexture", from Barney's collection:]
Woman: [on tape] Archisexture...
Barney: [on tape] Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, then you are now in possession of my porn. This can only mean one of two things, either I'm dead, or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead, I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to The Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie's. I wanna dance, I wanna have sex with a girl and I wanna go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a committed relationship, then, as your best friend, I have only one request. Please, for the love of God, get me out of it!