Future Ted: [v.o.] Well, kids, here we are. We've arrived, my 30th birthday. The long-awaited story of...the goat. That week started just like any other. Barney woke up in some girl's bed.
[in Robin's bedroom:]
Barney: In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat.
Robin: Check.
Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again.
Robin: And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, "Who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"
Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud.