Reverend: I understand the temptation. They're such a sweet couple. I mean, the way they call each other Barnmallow and Robinpad.
Lily: Yes, I do steal their stories. But only because my husband and I are so ashamed of how we met. [v.o.] See, we only met because his friend Ted fell in love with me. And who could blame him?
[fantasy:]
Ted: Hey, Marshall, see that girl?
Marshall: Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty. Go say hi.
Ted: Well, I can't go say hi. I need a plan. I'm gonna wait till she goes to the bathroom.
Marshall: Hi. Have you met Ted?
Ted: Hi.
Marshall: I'm sorry, I can't... [kisses Lily]
[reality:]
Lily: And now, after years of lying, cheating, and back-sliding, here we are, married. But what can I say? My husband's a sociopath who's slept with over a hundred women, and I'm a slut who once let my boss feel me up.
Barney: Oh, come on, it is over 250 women.
Robin: I felt him up!