Inspector: All right, good news. I think we'll be out of here early.
Ted: Really?
Inspector: Yep. I finished downstairs and the outside. Now, I could keep looking and see what else I can find, besides the black mold, the damaged retaining wall, the frayed electrical wires, the lead paint, the water damage, the fire damage, the sun damage, the broken furnace, the rotted floorboards... Hey, look at that, no termites.
Ted: Ooh.
Inspector: The cracked chimney, the bats, the rats, the spiders, the raccoons, the hobo, the detached gutter, the outdated fuse box and the paint job in the kitchen, which is fine, but the trim really clashes with the countertops. Or I could just recommend that you do not buy this godforsaken Guantanamo Bay of a house, and suggest that we all get our asses out of here before a medium-sized wind blows the whole sumbitch down.
Ted: What if... What if I already bought the sumbitch?
Inspector: Well, I will check out the upstairs. [laughs]