Future Ted: [v.o.] Anyway, three things you need to know about Doug. The first thing is that Doug had a bit of a violent streak.
Doug: ...crumbled, so he's on the ground, right? And we're just kicking him! He's making that face, all shaking. So, anyway, what we did... was we left him there. Top you off?
Future Ted: The second thing is that he was weird about his hair.
Doug: What?
Ted: What?
Doug: Are you looking at my hair?
Ted: No, sir. I was not.
Doug: It's a toupee. Is that funny? You want to laugh it up? Is it funny, guy? Is it? I'll tell you what, why don't you grab it?
Ted: Excuse me?
Doug: Go ahead, grab it. Grab it right off my head. Go ahead. You don't want to grab it? Come on. Come on, go ahead and grab it. Want to grab it off my head? Grab my toupee right off my head. [laughs] I like you guys!
Future Ted: But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars.
Doug: Hey, hey. There they are! Hey, you guys want your booth?
Lily: Oh, no.
Marshall: We're fine over here. We're fine over.
Future Ted: Maybe a little too loyal.
Lily: No, it's fine.
Doug: [to a nun and a priest] Okay, you two lovebirds! Let's take this somewhere else... booth's reserved. Let's go! Now! Come on! Let's see some hustle, Father. Up you get. Okay, guys, here we are!
Future Ted: So, that's Doug.
Doug: What the hell is this?!