Ted: Barney, wait. Wait. Your friendship is important. I swear on my mother's... No, I swear to God. No, I swear to Hef.
Barney: [gasps] Oh! Don't take that name in vain. If someone is important to you, you tell them you're moving. I'm just some guy you used to know back in New York.

Barney: That's a $600 bottle. Ted, that's grand larceny. You really could go to jail for this.
Ted: That's the dream.

Barney: So you're moving to Chicago.
Ted: I'm moving to Chicago.
Barney: Why? I know Marshall and Lily might leave, but it's only a year. In the meantime, we'll still see each other all the time. You, me, Robin... Oh.
Ted: I need a new start.
Barney: I'm gonna miss you.
Ted: I'm gonna miss you so much.

The Mother: Thank you, Linus. There are real villains in this world, but they don't always get real justice, do they? You wanna believe karma's gonna get them.
[out on the balcony:]
Ted: All right, who wants a drink? I'm stealing.
[back:]
The Mother: But... karma doesn't always come through.
[out on the balcony:]
Darren: I love how strong your marriage is. You don't need to lose weight, no matter what he told me. Catch you on the flip-flop, muchachos. [crashes into Ted, who drops the scotch bottle] Sorry, mi amigos.
The Mother: I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life... ...you just don't get that knockout punch.
[Ted punches Darren]
Darren: Hey, can I get some ice? The best man just punched me in the face for no reason. Oh, what, that's funny to you? You know what? I quit. You can have your stupid band back. I miss being in a band where people are decent to each other and there's no drama. I'm going back to the new Guns N' Roses.
The Mother: Linus, whoever that best man is, I would like to buy him a double of your finest Scotch.