Lily: You know, Ted, if you really wanna get a bottle of Glen McKenna 30-year for Barney, I got that last one at the Farhampton liquor store. The security there is a total joke.
Ted: No, see, I don't wanna know that. I won't be an accomplice to grand larceny.
Lily: I am not confirming or denying a thing. But there's a really high window in the storage room, and if you climb...

Ted: There can only be one "the dream." You're saying it's going to jail for a bro? You're comfortable with that
being the one and only dream, forever?
Barney: Yes.
Ted: Great. Now you can never use that phrase again. And for me, that's the dream.

Darren: Hey, Lily, Robin just told me about Italy.
Lily: Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great. Well, that is, if I can convince my husband to keep his promise and move there with me.
Darren: Robin, I know you told me you want Marshall to win, but I don't know. I gotta side with Lily on this one. Later, skaters.

Lily: You're rooting for Marshall? Well, why don't you just get a Team Marshall T-shirt? What size are you, extra-traitor?

The Mother: That's the question you're left asking yourself. So here's how he does it. First, he makes you feel like you're the most hilarious and adorable person in the world.
[at the bar:]
Darren: You guys are hilarious and adorable.
Ted: [telepathically] I like that he gets how hilarious and adorable we are.
Barney: [telepathically] We are hilarious and adorable.
[in the car:]
The Mother: Next, he finds some flimsy connection based on where you're from.
[back at the bar:]
Darren: Cleveland? Gallucci's serves...
Ted and Darren: ...the best pepperoni bread.
Darren: And Staten Island? Guys getting in fights on their front lawns.
Barney: It's like you're from there.
Ted: [telepathically] This guy's awesome.
Barney: [telepathically] So awesome.
Ted: [telepathically] I'd totally go to jail for him.
Barney: [telepathically] That hurts.

Lily: Look, I don't need objectivity. You're my best friend, I just need your support.
Robin: I understand. You got it. I'm sorry.
Lily: Oh, me too.
Darren: Forgot my phone. Sorry, you two are probably talking wedding details. I mean, no maid of honor's gonna steal the spotlight with her own problems, on the bride's big weekend, am I right? Keep it real, homeys.
Robin: You know, he is right. Why is this all about you? I mean, you have been preoccupied with Marshall all weekend.
Lily: I have not.
Robin: You've been sleeping with a doll made of cushions that you named after him.
Lily: Not true. After we do our business, I make Marshpillow sleep on the couch.

Marshall: See, you're too nice. I'm the same way. Sometimes you gotta get in there and stand up for yourself.
The Mother: I always cave and side with the other person. I can't handle confrontation.
Marshall: Yes, you can.
The Mother: You make some good points.
Marshall: Look, I don't know you, but I can tell that you're strong. That's your band. Don't let Darren steal it away.
The Mother: No, there's no defeating the devil. He's someone else's problem now.

Lily: I'm sorry if I've been distracted this weekend.
Robin: Oh. Let's not fight anymore, okay?
Darren: Oh, good, you finally told Lily you feel like she's abandoning you by going to Italy. Honesty is progress. Stay gold.
Darren: Oh, Ted, when you move to Chicago, you gotta try Gazzola's Pizza. Namaste, hermanos.

Ted: I got an amazing job offer there. Look, Lily knows, but Marshall and Robin don't, so please keep it quiet.
Barney: You're moving to Chicago?! He's moving to Chicago. When do you move? At least tell me it's not until next year or something.
Ted: It's not until... Monday.
Barney: Monday?! So you are just gonna disappear the day after my wedding? After ten years of being best friends.
Ted: Well, actually, Marshall's...
Barney: Don't even think about it.

Robin: Look, I was never really rooting for Marshall. I was rooting to not lose my best friend. But that's selfish. No matter where you go, I'm in your corner and I always will be. And to prove it...
Lily: What are you gonna do with Marshpillow?
Robin: Hold his arms back while you beat the goose down out of this bastard. Because that's what best friends do.
Lily: Thanks. It's not gonna help.
Robin: Try it. One punch.
Lily: Ooh. That felt good.
Robin: Mm-hm. Yeah, that's it, sweetheart. Head, body, head. Head, body, head.