Marshall: Aldrin justice. Nice.
The Mother: Your wife is cool.
Marshall: Oh, the coolest. Hey, did she, um, happen to mention the fact that I'm sort of ruining her dream of moving to Italy?
The Mother: Uh, yeah, that did come up.
[flashback:]
Lily: You need to steal this douche-monkey's van. And then run my husband over with it.
[back:]
The Mother: I think you've got a tough talk coming.
Marshall: Yeah, well, so do you. When we get to the inn, you're gonna go in there and stand up to Darren.
The Mother: Come on. I Aldrin-justiced him.
Marshall: Yeah, but I bet you're just gonna give this van right back to him. I mean, were you at least gonna pee in it a little?
The Mother: I was gonna gas it up and get it washed.

The Mother: Well, here we are. Good luck in there.
Marshall: Thank you. And don't worry, at the reception, I'll yell: "The lead singer sucks skunk junk" after every song. I'll come up with something better than "skunk junk." No, no, "skunk junk" is pretty solid.
The Mother: You can't yell that at the lead singer, because I don't suck skunk junk.
Marshall: Wait, are you saying...?
The Mother: I'm coming in. Darren and I are gonna have a chat about my band.
Marshall: Whoo!
Marvin: Skunk junk.
Marshall: For the record, his first word was "Mommy."

The Mother: This is my band. I started it. And if anyone is getting fired here, it's you, Darren. So hit the bricks, skunk junk. Was that even a little bit intimidating?
Linus: Nope. And the knitting's not helping.
The Mother: I'm sorry, I just met this baby and he needs a hat.
Linus: You can't fire Darren. He gets how hilarious and adorable I am. Plus, it is so inspiring how he overcame his mother being eaten by a barracuda.
The Mother: Aah! That's Finding Nemo. That's new. There's no defeating the devil. New plan. Linus, if at any point tonight, you see me with an empty glass...
Linus: Kennedy Package. It's a very popular choice this weekend.
The Mother: Thank you, Linus.

Linus: Here you go.
Ted: Is this from one of you guys?
Barney: No.
Marshall: No.
Ted: Okay. This is incredible. What is this?
Linus: It's the Glen McKenna 35-year.
Barney: Wait a minute. This whole time you had Glen McKenna 35-year? Why didn't you say something?
Linus: You didn't ask about the 35.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And, kids, that's the first drink your mother ever bought me.

Marshall: Hey, Barney? Ahem. I'm so sorry I missed your rehearsal dinner.
Barney: Oh, that's okay. We didn't even know you weren't here, jerk.
Marshall: Listen, I know it can't make up for being late, but I did get you a special gift.
Barney: Well, hand it over, fat head.
Marshall: Well, you might wanna wait till after the wedding photos.
Barney: Hand it over now, travel breath.
Marshall: Okay, Barney. I'll hand it over.
Barney: Oh, God. It's the fourth slap. I don't know why I was so obnoxious.

Robin: This is great, the whole gang together. Well, almost the whole gang.
Barney: Yeah, there's just one beloved piece of the puzzle missing.
Ted: That bottle of 30-year Glen McKenna Scotch.
Future Ted: [v.o.] So far, that weekend had been fatal for not just one, but two bottles of $600 Scotch intended for a special wedding toast.
Barney: Also, where the hell is Marshall?

Robin: Lily, don't be mad. Barney just thinks if he has a judge friend, he can get all his citations for public urination thrown out.
Lily: How often does Barney pee in public?
Robin: A lot.

Darren: What's popping, mi amigas?
Robin: [telepathically] Oh, boy, who's this idiot?
Lily: [telepathically] And which one of us is he gonna try to make the sex on?
Darren: You both look beautiful tonight.
Robin: [telepathically] Bro, going for the tricycle. Heh. Can you imagine having a three-way with this creep?
Lily: [telepathically] Ha, ha. Yeah, right. You, me, and this guy, naked, going at it. Then he gets tired and it's just you and me going at it.
Robin: [telepathically] Uh, Lily?
Lily: [telepathically] That'd be so stupid. So stupid.

Darren: Wait a minute, wait a minute. So you guys both got locked out on the roof in your pajamas? You guys are hilarious and adorable.
Lily: [telepathically] Any idea who this guy is?
Robin: [telepathically] No, but I like that he gets how hilarious and adorable we are.
Lily: [telepathically] We are hilarious and adorable.

Darren: Hey, I'm sorry if I barged in on you guys. I can be a little overeager to connect sometimes. Probably because of my childhood.
Robin: Right. Because of that thing that happened.
Darren: My mother died on a hunting trip when I was very young.
Robin: Yeah, that's it, that's the thing.
Darren: Sorry, ugh, too heavy. So, Robin, what's going on with you?
Robin: Oh, nothing. I mean, nothing big anyway.
Darren: Hey, hey, hey. This is me you're talking to.
Robin: Well, there is this thing with Lily.