Robin: Dad, is there, um, something you wanna tell me?
Robin Sr.: Well, in the early '80s... I did some wet work for the C. I.A.
Robin: Yes, Daddy. I remember the bedtime stories. No, I'm, uh, talking about your Facebook page? It says you're married.
Robin Sr.: Well... Yes, uh, Carol and I were in Key Largo at a performance of the recording artist James Buffett. We're what is known as Parrotheads. And, uh, well, one thing led to the other... And, uh, we got married.
Robin: You didn't want to tell me about it?
Robin Sr.: I facebooked it on Facebook.
Robin: Okay, you know what, Dad? Since you obviously have no interest in involving me in your personal life, I may as well tell you, Barney and I are already engaged.
Barney: That's right. I'm behind you on this, Robin. Directly behind you.
Robin: Anyway, this is happening. And since I wasn't invited to your wedding, you're not invited to mine. Good-bye.

Lily: So, I just called up that wedding band's road manager to get the number of the people who booked them for the 25th so I could bribe them into giving up the band.
Ted: You did what? That is so dishonest! No matter what happens next, I th... I think we can all agree, you're in the wrong here, Lily.
Lily: It's your number, Ted.
Ted: All right. You got me! I put a nonrefundable deposit on that band to keep Barney and Robin from booking them. And I would've gottenaway with it... if it wasn't a really stupid and expensive plan.

Marshall: Dude, why would you do that? I don't see what the big deal is.
Ted: The big deal is, Robin deserves better than some crappy, unreliable band. Sure, bands seem cool with their nice suits and their well-rehearsed moves, but let's be honest bands let you down. They... They cheat. They deceive. And God knows, they've slept with every girl in New York City. I just... I can't believe Robin is going through with marrying... the idea of getting a band. And that is... That's a perfectly normal way to phrase that.

Marshall: All right. Let's see what's in this dipey. Nothin'. Absolutely nothing. Hey. Are you finally giving Daddy a smile? Oh! Oh, God!
Future Ted: [v.o.] And, no, it wasn't confetti.
Marshall: Oh! Oh, God! Please!
Lily: Holy confetti!

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, Robin agreed to meet her dad one more time.
Barney: Your dad has something to say.
Robin Sr.: I'm sorry for getting married without consulting you. It was wrong of me.
Barney: There. Now, Robin...
Robin Sr.: I know that no mere apology will fix this. And that is why I've asked Carol for a divorce.
Barney: What?
Robin Sr.: She's heartbroken, understandably. Possibly suicidal.
Barney: I did not tell him...
Robin Sr.: But if that's the price for my daughter's love, then I will gladly let Carol pay it. Was that not what you wanted?
Robin: You want to know what I want? A normal dad. That's all. I... I want you to give this blond guy permission to marry me. Come to the wedding. Give me away. Smile in the pictures, and then dance with me like a normal dad. Is that too much to ask?
[cut to Robin retelling the story to Ted at MacLaren's:]
Robin: "Of course not. Oh, Robin, my darling girl, of course I'll do all that stuff. I love you, and I'm proud of you."
Ted: He didn't say that?
Robin: No.
[flashback:]
Robin Sr.: Fine. One dance. "Cheeseburger in Paradise." And Carol's going to sing it. Well, see you at the wedding.