Marshall: I am freaking out. Is there a chance that I can't have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.
Dr. Stangel: Well, we won't know anything until we run some tests. We'll need a sample of your sperm. [Marshall starts to unzip] No, no, no. There's a room at the end of the hall. If you find yourself inside the elevator, you've gone too far. You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but you'd be surprised.

Marshall: Mom. Dad. Uh... What are you doing here?
Judy: We hadn't heard from you in a couple days. We were worried about you.
Marvin Sr.: For God's sake, son. Do you have any sixes?
Marshall: Go fish.

Ted: Okay, I did a bad thing last night. I looked up his address.
Robin: Who?
Ted: [laughs] Sorry. You said "who". It reminded me of the owl footage. Genius. No. Sandy. How dare he laugh at you. Who does he think... [laughs] Sorry. "Who". Anyway. I looked up his address in your contact list.
Robin: Oh, God. Tell me you didn't go over there.
Ted: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
Robin: Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists.
Ted: They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker. So I went to his apartment.

Ted: This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again. I told you to steer into the skid. That was bad advice. So new advice. Steer into Sandy, and run him down.
Robin: If people found out Sandy wears a toupee...
Ted: Really? That's your take-away? Nothing on the bear in the bra?
Robin: Oh, no. He's very open about that. That's Gregory. Nice guy.

Ted: So? Possibly last day of work?
Robin: Actually, it was a good day.
[flashback to Robin at work:]
Sandy Rivers: And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy. Sparkles, got anything on malls?
Robin: Actually, Sandy, I have something I think you're all gonna want to see.
[present:]
Ted: Yes! Put him in a body bag!
Robin: Okay, I didn't do it.
Ted: What?
Robin: I didn't want to just viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of...
Ted: Owl?
Robin: Exactly. So, instead of taking your advice, I took your advice.
Future Ted: [v.o.] That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid. And though she never quite shook the nickname, Sparkles went on to do very well at World Wide News. Especially after this happened.

Dr. Stangel: What are you doing in here?
Barney: Think about it, Marshall. All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar! Oh, BT-dub, the receptionist. What's her situation?
Dr. Stangel: Go!

Marshall: Hey, um, can I borrow your phone? I want to call my dad.
Ted: Yeah, go ahead.
[flashback to Marshall with Dr. Stangel:]
Marshall: Man, this is great. I was expecting bad news. I really was.
[present: Marshall is outside MacLaren's as he phones his father. The phone rings in Marvin Sr.'s garage, but he's not as his work station. A cab pulls up outside MacLaren's. Lily steps out.]
Marshall: You're here! Oh, my God! I love you so much! Can you believe it?
Lily: Marshall. Something's happened. Um... Your father, he had a heart attack. He... He didn't make it.
Marshall: My dad's dead? I'm not ready for this.