[Marshall is in the bathroom getting ready to fill his specimen cup:]
Judy: Marshall. Marshall. I just got my new bathing suit for the beach this summer. It's a two-piece. I mean, can you imagine? Me in a two-piece bathing suit at my age? Just picture it! Picture it!
Marvin Sr.: That's why Fred Cox is the greatest kicker the Vikings ever had.
Judy: Seriously, Marshall, picture it. Just picture it.
Marvin Sr.: Give me a "C". Give me an "O". Give me an "X". What's that spell? Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox!

[As Marshall tries to fill his specimen cup:]
Judy: And the top is so low-cut. Your father says he has front-row seats to the Minnesota Twins. Oh, oh. By the way, Marshall, we do need to know if you're coming to Florida this summer. Are you coming? Marshall? [knocks] Marshall, are you coming?

Future Ted: [v.o.] After his parents had gone back to Minnesota, Marshall got the results of his test.
Dr. Stangel: I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall. Judging from the results of your test, it is... It is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child.
Marshall: Oh, God.
Dr. Stangel: I know, I know.
Marshall: It's just...
Dr. Stangel: Now, in some rare cases, a regimen change can fix the problem, so I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine. Preferably with a partner, involving any light-based firearm activity in the Tri-State area. Poughkeepsie, for example. Have you heard of the gentlemen's sport known as laser tag? [Marshall pulls off Dr. Stangel's beard] Surprise!
Marshall: Damn it, Barney!

Barney: Guys, we've got a problem. This is the application for the regional doubles laser tag tournament in Poughkeepsie. Problem is, only one of you can be my partner. So it looks like we've got a bake-off. You may now present your arguments.
Marshall: I'm not playing laser tag.
Ted: I'm absolutely not playing laser tag.
Marshall: Damn it.
Barney: And Marshall's the winner.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So Aunt Lily went to see Dr. John Stangel, the man who knew more about human reproduction than anyone in New York City.
[A man who looks just like Barney with black eye and a beard walks in:]
Dr. Stangel: So I understand you want to get pregnant.

[When Lily arrives at MacLaren's, she throws a bowl of beer nuts in Barney's face]
Lily: How did you do it?
Barney: Oh, God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one. Wait, which one did you find?
Lily: What are you talking about?
Barney: What are you talking about?
Lily: My visit to a certain Dr. Stangel.

Ted: Wow, we finally found Barney's doppelganger. I guess we can tell you now, Lily. That hot dog guy did not look like Barney.
Lily: Uh, Marshall?
Marshall: Yes, I know, we made our little deal with the universe, but...
Lily: No, we've made a binding covenant with the universe. We said we weren't going to try to have kids until we saw Barney's doppelganger. Oh, this is bad news. This is like a black cat walked through my uterus. Okay, that's it. I am going back to Dr. Stangel and getting thoroughly checked out.
Barney: Or... Or cost-saving alternative: you could get checked out by someone who looks just like him. I'm gonna go scrub up. I'll meet you in stall three.

Lily: I still kind of think it's Barney.
Marshall: There's no way it's Barney.
Dr. Stangel: Hello, you must be Mr. Eriksen. I am Dr. Stangel.
Marshall: It's Barney. Wow. Really, dude, bravo. You almost got a peek. But seriously, what second-rate community theater did you get...? [pulls on Dr. Stangel's beard]
Dr. Stangel: Would you...?
Marshall: So my wife and I are trying to get pregnant.

Barney: Aw, yeah. Smile for the birdie, Lil! Gyno-mite!

Ted: You had sex with Sandy Rivers?
Robin: No! Ugh! And I can't believe it's my first day, and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show.
Ted: Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host?
Robin: Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not.