Future Ted: [v.o.] Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest.
Mr Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Spokane national bank building.
Bank President: That's a penis!
Mr. Druthers: That's- That's ridiculous. There's no way this majestic tower can be confused with the male organ of love.
Bank President: We're not building a penis. You got any other ideas?
Mr. Druthers: Other ideas? You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. This is Hammond Druthers.
Bank President: Well, hats off to your lady friends, but I'm not building it. We're done here.

Robin: To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably!
All: Probably!
Lily: Congrats, Ted.
Ted: Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you.
Lily: Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when you reach your late twenty, you might be surprised to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. Like with Aunt Lily. Even though she was back from San Francisco, she was still on a quest to find herself.
Lily: It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion.
Future Ted: And she did find it.
[later:]
Lily: I'm going to be a life coach.
Future Ted: In fact, she found it again and again.
[later:]
Lily: I'm going to be a marine biologist... [later] Slam poet... [later] Beekeeper! [later] Not a beekeeper.

Robin: [on the phone] Her newest lifelong dream? Singing in a punk rock band.
Ted: What is she doing for money through all this?
Robin: Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau.
Ted: Wait, you mean that Hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits?
Robin: No.

Marshall: Here she comes. Here she comes.
Lily: Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap.
Robin: I'm sorry.
Barney: Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here.
[Marshall takes a photo of Lily]

Ted: Robin, nothing to add?
Robin: No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams.
Lily: Thank you.
Robin: Although, you might want to bring out the big Hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday.

Marshall: I've never need the beer more than I do right now.
Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, "Dude, my semester is gonna be this."

Lily: So, I quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei...
Marshall: Classic.

Robin: Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office?
Ted: Yeah. Somebody did just quit.
[flashback:]
Ted: So, where should we eat today? [looks at woman with a whole chicken in her lunch box] Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? [the woman runs off crying]
[back:]
Marshall: Dude, that is cold-blooded.
Ted: It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone.
Robin: Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her.
Ted: It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides?
Barney: Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted.

Ted: You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client.
Lily: Oh, right, is that the...?
Ted: Yeah. Here's the model.
Lily: You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant penis.
Ted: I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it.
Lily: How can he not see it? I mean there's the...
Ted: I know.
Lily: And the way it...
Ted: I know.
Lily: And the two little...
Ted: I know.