Tim: Hey, guys.
Brad: Hey, Dad. I got a pimple on my nose, and I got a date with Jessica Lutz.
Tim: Come on, Brad. Don't worry about it. If she's a real woman, she's not gonna notice a little zit on your nose.
Brad: She's a 14-year-old girl.
Tim: You're in trouble. Big, big trouble. What works for me is a hot compress on there, you bring the zit to the surface, you pop it, ding dong, the zit is dead.
Brad: Cool! Come on, Randy, let's go soak my pimple.
Randy: Brad, I'm looking for a hobby, but that's not it.

Tim: You're a little late.
Jill: Mm-hm. I took my teacher Judith out for coffee.
Tim: Great move! That'll guarantee you a C, but if you want the A, you gotta give cash.

Brad: Thanks, Dad. Because of your hot compress idea, my zit is the size of a tomato.
Tim: Well, I knew it'd bring the blood to the surface. I didn't think it'd make a home there.
Brad: Little kids are going to come up to me and think that I'm a clown.
Tim: Oh, come on, Brad, get over it. They're not gonna do that. Just in case, maybe you should practice making those little balloon animals.
Brad: This is a nightmare. I'm going out with Jessica in a half an hour.
Jill: OK. This problem needs a woman's touch. Brad? Wake up to makeup.
Brad: No, no. I am not wearing makeup.
Randy: If I were you, I'd be open to suggestions. Rudolph.

Tim: No, really, Wilson. When you're dating a woman, they like to hear stories that tell how sensitive you are. I knocked Jill out with this one where I saved a little kitty-cat drowning in a river. Remember that?
Jill: You said it was an old lady.
Tim: Kitty-cat, old lady. You married me, didn't you?

Tim: Great news. Wilson is making Judith's breasts out of clay.
Jill: What?
Tim: You were right. You were right about them. He's crazy about her.
Jill: Oh, no.
Tim: What do you mean, "Oh, no"? This is what you wanted.
Jill: I've just been talking to Judith. She's having serious doubts about the relationship.
Tim: Oh, no.

Wilson: So, are you enjoying your haggis?
Judith: It's very tender. What's in this?
Wilson: That is sheep's liver and other assorted organs.
Judith: It's very filling. These are lovely candles.
Wilson: Hmm. Well, thank you. I've always found it fascinating how a candle burns. The hot flame moves downward, thus melting the wax, which rises through the wick through capillary action... Oh, boy, that was dull.

Judith: Wilson, I think we should talk.
Wilson: I know what you're gonna say, Judith. I haven't been very open to you.
Judith: I just don't understand why a man who can talk brilliantly about anything can't tell me about the one thing I really want to know.
Wilson: Well, my family never really talked much about personal matters. Especially my father, Wilson Wilson Sr.
Judith: What was he like?
Wilson: He was a scientist who didn't put too much stock in emotions.
Judith: Must have been very difficult to grow up with a man like that.
Wilson: Hmm. It was. You know, I loved my father. It always hurt me when he kept me at a distance. And the last thing I ever wanted was to be like him.
Judith: But you're not. You believe that feelings matter. I know that, because I see the way you care about mine.

Randy: Oh, look, Mark. It's the sister we've always wanted.
Mark: Hello, Bradina.
Brad: Laugh all you want. But I've been going out with Jessica for two weeks, and she hasn't noticed one zit.
Randy: Yeah, but that doesn't explain the lipstick and the mascara.
Brad: Well, I dumped out all of Mom's makeup. Which do you think covers my zits better? Bashful Beige or Nearly Nude?
Randy: This is too weird.

Jessica: Hi. Is Brad here?
Mark: Yeah. He's in the kitchen, putting on his makeup.
Jessica: Hey, Brad.
Brad: Hey, Jessica! What are you doing here?
Jessica: I, um... I just thought maybe we could go to practice together.
Brad: Well, um...
Jessica: Brad, are you trying to cover up that zit on your chin?
Brad: Oh, man. I knew I should have gone with Bashful Beige.
Jessica: No. No, I think that Bashful Beige is too dark for you. You'd look better in Posy Pink.
Brad: I think I have that.

Brad: All right. Now, guys, you need to remember to apply it gently and blend thoroughly, because you always want that natural boy-next-door look. There you go. Good job.
[As Tim walks out with a giant power-saw and sees Brad giving make-up advice to his friends, he pretends to weep]