Jimmy: How do you do that?
Tim: Well, look at me. Get a real ugly face on. Pretty ugly, huh? You look at fear and you go... You grunt loud. [grunts] Want to try that?
Jimmy: [grunts]
Tim: Well, that would work if you had just a little fear. It's a big fear. You gotta get a deep-down, manly grunt. Mark, show him what I'm talking about.
Mark: [grunts]
Tim: You see how scary that guy looks? Now you guys try. [all grunt] Very good and very ugly. All right, try.
Tim: Give me a good one. [Jimmy grunts] I need a real good two in a row. [Jimmy grunts] All right, three in a row. Let's do it. [all grunt] Come on, guys. [all grunt] There's no fear here. Get out of here, fear.
Randy: Dad.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Randy: Mom wants you to order pizza.
All: Pizza!
Tim: You guys stay out here and practice grunting, and I'll get the pizza.

Randy: Why don't you get the snake out, Dad?
Tim: Why don't you shut up, Randy? [boys groan]
Randy: Dad, stick your finger in the light. When the snake bites it, pull him out.
Tim: [chuckles] Can we talk? Maybe you didn't hear Dad the first time. Shut up.

Jill: I've got the exterminator. But he says he can't come for an hour.
Tim: An hour? Where's he gonna crawl in an hour?
Jill: OK. He says you should look in the light fixture and see if the snake is still there.
Tim: Can I talk to him for a minute?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: [takes the phone] Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Oh, you're right. [to Jill] He says look in the light fixture and see if he's still there.

Jill: What did he say?
Tim: He says reach in that little tiny opening. Get that little tiny snake by the back of his little tiny neck. Pull him out of that little tiny hole. And put him gently in a pillowcase.
Jill: You're gonna do that?
Tim: That's his plan. My plan... I'm gonna rip that light fixture off that wall... shove that into a pillowcase.

Tim: Brad. Brad, stand there under the light and I'll jump that snake in there.
Brad: No way.
Tim: What do you mean, "no way"? Come on. Randy, help me out.
Randy: Forget it.
Jill: OK. I'll do it.
Tim: Are you happy, your mom's doing it?
Randy: It's fine by us.
Jill: Thanks, guys.

Tim: There it is, boys. Plan your work, work your plan. The key to success.
Brad: Dad?
Tim: Yeah?
Brad: There's a snake behind you.
Tim: Oh, I bet there is!
Randy: Dad, he's serious. It's right behind you.
Tim: Does it have the card of death in its mouth? You know, guys, I fell for that trick this morning. Toolbox, remember that? You can take a practical joke too far, you know.
Randy: Dad, we're not joking. It's moving towards you.
Tim: Why don't I just open my shirt and let him crawl right in?
Jill: Tim, the snake wasn't in the bag.
Tim: The snake is in my shirt!

Jill: How are you feeling?
Tim: Stupid. I felt like a jerk in front of those Cub Scouts today.
Jill: Oh, they had a great time, and they learned some colorful new vocabulary.

Mark: Here, Dad, I made this for you.
Tim: What is it?
Mark: It's a snake badge for bravery.
Jill: Hey, that's very impressive.
Mark: Would you wear it on your TV show?
Tim: You bet I would. You're a good kid.

Tim: My youngest son gave me a snake badge for bravery.
Jill: Well, you did get rid of that snake. But in all honesty, I couldn't have done it without you. I think it's yours.
Jill: Well, we'll share it. You know, I think we deserve a little pampering. How would you like to have a nice, hot bath with bubbles?
Tim: I'd like that... Bubbles.

Tim: Come on, what's the big deal? Everybody likes to be scared. It's fun.
Jill: Fun?
Randy: Dad.
Tim: What is it? God. Look. Holy...!
Randy: I found a snakeskin.
Tim: Ha! This is fun. This is fun.