Wilson: Tim, Tim, Tim. The first step for greatness is humbling yourself. [Tim grunts] Maybe you shouldn't try to have all the answers, and instead ask more questions. You see, Tim, a truly wise man always has more questions than answers.
Tim: So... would that make me wiser than you, Wilson?
Wilson: Well, what do you think, Tim?

Tim: Connect away, Bob.
Al: Tim, are you sure you turned off the electricity?
Tim: That goes without saying, Al.
Al: Well, now that we've said it, have you done it?
Bob Vila: Tim, it's your show. I think you should install the switch.
Tim: Oh, you're the guest. Go on, go on.
Bob Vila: Al, would you do this? Please.
Al: I don't think so, Bob.

Jill: Curtis, this is Randy's dad, Mr. Taylor.
Tim: Hi, Curtis. How are you?
Curtis: My father and I watch Tool Time.
Tim: Good.
Curtis: We really like Al.
Tim: We all like Al. [quietly to Jill] He is a geek.

Bob Vila: And to make sure they line up, it's a good idea to use a dowelling jig. 'cause remember, a job worth doing is a job worth doing right.
Tim: Goes without saying, doesn't it, Bob? Still waiting for that female caller. Still waiting for that female caller.
Jill: [on the phone] Hello?
Tim: Hello. What's your name?
Jill: This is Jill... ene. Jillene. [Al looks away in disgust]
Tim: Hello, Jill... Jillene. What's your question?
Jill: Well, it's kind of a hard one.
Tim: Well, I think one of us will be able to answer it.
Jill: Okay. Um, can you tell me the name of a medieval wood-shaping tool?
Tim: Ooh, that's hard. Um... Maybe you'd like to handle this one, Bob.
Bob Vila: I'd love to. I think Jillene's probably thinking about something called an adze.
Tim: Nice try. Bob, but the tool you're... How the hell did you know that?

Bob Vila: So, are you planning on using a doubled-up two-by-eight?
Tim: No, I'm not, Bob. I'm thinking about using that beefy boy over there. A four-by-eight big piece of American Doug fir.
Bob Vila: Doug fir. Hm. Okay. And, folks, it's a good idea to use your framing square at this point in the job. 'cause you want to make sure this header goes in there nice and level.
Al: Excellent point, Mr. Vila.
Bob Vila: Yeah, there's nothing worse than trying to hang a door in an opening that isn't true.
Al: How true, how true.
Tim: Al, I was gonna get to that.
[As Tim turns around with the wood on his shoulder, the board strikes Bob Vila on the head and knocks him to the ground]
Al: Tim?
Tim: We'll be right back after these messages from Binford. Cut! Cut!

Jill: Are you afraid big, bad Bob is gonna make you look foolish?
Tim: Better men than him have made me look foolish. That didn't sound right, did it?

Wilson: I can see how a guy like that might intimidate you, though. He knows an awful lot about tools.
Tim: That's just it. Why would he intimidate me? Why does everybody think he knows more about tools than I do?
Wilson: Well, does he, Tim?
Tim: Yeah.
Wilson: Mm-hm.
Tim: He even knew what an adze was without cheating.
Wilson: Hmm. Yes, the old medieval wood-shaping tool.

Al: It's just she and I are both big Bob Vila fans. You know, he's in town signing his new book.
Tim: Isn't that wonderful! Let's get my shoe out of the bucket, please.
Al: Well, I can't believe it. I actually got to talk to the pioneer in home repair.
Tim: The pioneer?
Al: Without Bob Vila, there would be no Tool Time. He paved the way.
Tim: Listen, Al. Any paving done on Tool Time's done by me, the big asphalt.

Tim: "Stump the Tool Man". Ask me a hard one.
Jill: Okay. You're attaching two-by-fours to a concrete foundation. What tool do you use?
Tim: Piece of cake. Electropneumatic rotary hammer drill. Low vibration, variable speeds. Yes! Come on, another one, hard one.
Jill: Come on, Tim. Give it a rest. There's no way you are ever gonna know all the stuff in these books.
Tim: Honey, Bob Vila knows everything in those books.
Jill: That's because he wrote most of them.

Randy: That must be Curtis. Randy!
Brad: Come on, Mark. Let's get out of here.
Mark: I want to meet him.
Brad: No, you don't. He's a bigger geek than you are.
Mark: Wow!