Jill: Hey, you knocked down all their pins!
Rock: [laughs] Come on, guys, that's a joke!
Pete: Oh, that's a great joke!
Tim: Hey, anybody can knock down the pins in their own lane. Oh, yeah.

Rock: Boy, Tim, you're really taking this well. I mean, if my wife were beating the pants off me, I'd be looking for a place to hide.
Tim: Actually, Rock, I'm trying to go easy on my wife. She's had a bad week. Her mom was convicted of grand theft auto.
Rock: You're a good man, Tim.

Jill: I know it sounds ridiculous but it relaxes me. You should try it. See, just start on your left foot, then go.
Jill, Dwayne & Pete: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."
Jill: And then, after I release the ball. I always do this: Please, please, please, please, please.
Pete: Please, please, please, please, please, please...
Dwayne: Pete!
Pete: Yeah?
Dwayne: You're embarrassing yourself.
Pete: I am not, and you're always criticizing.
Dwayne: This is neither the time nor the place.
Pete: Fine.

Jill: You want to have a little fun? Why don't we make a bet?
Tim: A bet? How about in the form of public humiliation?
Jill: We let people watch you bowl? [the K&B guys laugh]

Rock: Don't wanna make you nervous, Tim, but this is the clutch shot. Kiss 'em all and you win, buddy.
Tim: Yes... Yes...
Jill: So, wait a minute. What are you saying? You're saying, that, like... unless he gets down every single pin - which is very hard to do under all this pressure - I win?
Tim: I think that's exactly what he's saying, Jill.

Dwayne: I believed in you, Tim Taylor. This is indeed a dark day.

Pete: I think Al could've taken her.

Tim: I'll be hanging the wallboard today with my trusty Binford Crown hammer. It's one of the best you can buy. Now, when you're hanging wallboard, always make your nail flush. That gives you the perfect dimple. Suppose they call it a dimple because...
Al: No, I don't, Tim.

Tim: Randy, get this off of me right now.
Randy: Dad, no man has ever escaped Randy's handcuffs of death.
Brad: Let's spray Dad with Silly String.
Tim: No, don't spray Dad with Silly String. Cap those things. Take these off right now, fun is fun. Come on.
Randy: What are the magic words?
Tim: "No allowance."

Jill: OK, it's family night. What have we decided to do?
Randy: We want to play video games.
Brad: Yeah, video games.
Jill: No, I think that we should just stay home and play charades. [Tim and the boys scream]