Randy: Hey, Mom? Remember I'm working down at the soup kitchen on Wednesday. They also want me to work Thanksgiving, is that OK?
Jill: Sure. Sure. It's great that you're giving your time. It also means that our family values have rubbed off on you.
Randy: What do you mean?
Jill: Well, your father and I have taught you that holidays are about sharing and putting other people first.
Tim: [enters] Honey, look what we got! The last turkey they had. The biggest one, and it's all mine, mine, mine!

Al: I tell you, the holidays come quicker every year.
Harry: [laughs] I know. I just got over July 4th and it's already Thanksgiving.
[Tim knocks Al out of the way as he enters the hardware store with a cardboard Rudolf]
Al: Oh!
Harry: That was fast. Now it's Christmas.

Tim: Harry, what kind of transformer will get this to light up, like, real bright?
Harry: Well, you only need a 50-volt. But knowing you...
Tim: Yeah?
Harry: [straining] ...you'll want the thousand-volt.

Benny: What about you, Al? Where are you going? [Tim waves at Al]
Al: Well, I, uh... [Tim coughing] Actually, I'm...
Tim: Oh-ho!
Al: I'm not eating.
Benny: You were invited to Tim's, weren't you?
Al: Tim's? No! I was... not.

Mark: Hey, this is Dad's favorite sweater. Why are you giving it away? [holds up the sweater]
Jill: That's why I'm giving it away.
Brad: Well, haven't the needy suffered enough?
Jill: Just put it in the bottom of the box. He'll never miss it.

Tim: Mm-hm. I got Rudolph up on the roof. Soon as I light up that schnoz, you'll be able to see it all the way to Akron.

Randy: How are you this fine evening, sir?
Man: Just serve it up, soup boy.
Randy: All right. My pleasure. And if you want anything with that, see cracker boy.

Tim: Joe? Brought a little donation of my own. Some clothes from home. And a fresh Pilgrim specialty: eel pie.
[Joe gags] Right from the aquarium.
Joe: Nobody's gonna eat that.
Tim: Come on! "You serve it, they'll come."
Joe: If I serve it, they will barf.

[stop-motion dream sequence:]
Tim: Oh boy! Oh!
Randy: I feel a little stiff. Hey, Dad. What gives? We woke up this morning and we're all made of wood.
Tim: Randy, let's not get hung up on how we look. There are more important things to think about during the holidays.
Brad: Like your lighting contest?
Tim: Nope, nope, nope. I'm through putting Christmas lights on this house. I'm giving all the holiday lights to the homeless.
Jill: And where exactly are the homeless going to hang them?
Tim: Good point. We'll give them the house too! Let's start with the kitchen! Come on! [drops refrigerator in a box] Looks a lot lighter than this. Ah! Oh, there you go. Ha-ha! Whoo! Boys, go get your rooms and put them in the box.
Mark: But where are we gonna live?
Tim: You! You! You! You people have got to stop thinking about yourselves.
Jill: Tim, you've changed.
Tim: Mm-hm.
Jill: You're caring, giving, you're loving. [creaks] And you've got a termite coming out of your ear.
Tim: Have a little compassion. Even the lowliest creature needs a friend. [puts termite back in ear]
Termite: Thank you.

[stop-motion dream sequence:]
Wilson: Hidy-ho, wood neighbor. What are you doing?
Tim: Well, I'm donating my half of the fence to the fence-less.
Wilson: Why, Tim, I never realized you had such a heart of gold.
Tim: Well, l... That reminds me. [pulls out heart] This could help fill the dental needs of the toothless.
Wilson: That is very admirable. I'd love to lend a hand.
Tim: Great!