June: You just sling the unit over your shoulder and turn it on... and move your refrigerator effortlessly.
Tim: Wow! Hey! That is very useful. You can see how useful this is, but it only will raise it about an inch and a quarter, looks like. What happens if you have to move it up a step?
Al: Well, then you would do it the old- fashioned way - by the sweat of your brow.
Tim: Let me show you how I'll do it. Heidi, my slightly tweaked furniture mover, please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. With the few modifications I've made on this, I'll now be able to lift that thing about a foot and a half. Help me out here. All right! Thank you, Heidi. Just... switch her on. There you go.
[The refrigerator is shot off the platform and crushes a crew member against a wall]

Randy: Hey, Brad, guess what I got. The girls' "best and worst" list.
Brad: I can't believe you got that.
Mark: What is it?
Brad: All the the girls in the high school pass around this list that says what they like about guys, like best hair, best eyes, best personality...
Randy: And guess who has best butt.
Brad: No way. Let me see.
Randy: Look all you want. [turns around]
Brad: Not your butt, idiot. The list.
Brad: I can't believe I'm not on here. How could I lose "best eyebrows" to Joey Pagoonis? He only has one.

[Jill notices Randy looking at his own butt in the window]
Jill: Why are you standing like that?
Randy: Just appreciating a work of art.
Jill: [to Tim] Do you think the kids are getting weirder?
Tim: Oh, I think they've moved way past weird. They're into that frightening category now.

Marty: Hey, Tim, pass me the potato chips, would ya?
Tim: Do I look like a waiter to you?
Marty: Forget the chips. Got any nuts?

Tim: I think we should go. I don't think the doctor is going to be here.
Jill: Honey, it's only been about 30 seconds.
Tim: Really? It seems like a lot longer, doesn't it?
Woman: [o.s.] Harold, get back here!
Tim: Another happy customer.
Dr. Kaplan: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. I'm Dr. Kaplan. I'll be with you in a minute. Harold!

Dr. Kaplan: Sorry to keep you waiting. So, what brings you here today?
Jill: We're interested in a vasectomy.
Tim: She's more interested than I am.
Dr. Kaplan: That's not uncommon. But let me assure you, Mr. Taylor, this is a very safe procedure. It's done right here in the office.
Jill: And it's totally fool-proof, right?
Dr. Kaplan: Almost a 100 percent.
Tim: What if I change my mind?
Dr. Kaplan: Well, in some cases it can be reversed, but you shouldn't count on that as an option.
Tim: I mean change my mind about being here, which I think I have. [gets up]

Brad: Now, seriously, Angela, aren't my eyebrows better than Joey's?
Angela: Yeah. I told you I voted for you.
Brad: I can't believe I lost to a guy with a caterpillar over his eyes.

Randy: You happen to see the latest list? You know, I made "best butt."
Angela: Yeah, I heard. You know, it started when Allison Lewis was, like, having a huge fight with her boyfriend, Geoff Biegle, who has, like, the cutest butt in the whole entire world, because he was ignoring her, talking to Tiffany Fink, so she, like, decided to get back at him by making up this list and instead of, like, putting his cute butt on it, she picked out the scrawniest butt in the school, which was you. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that.
Randy: You think?
Angela: Sorry.
Angela: Oh, my God, I'm, like, so embarrassed. Why didn't you tell me he didn't know?
Brad: Because...
Angela: If I would have known that he didn't know, I wouldn't have said anything, because I'm usually careful about what comes out of my mouth.

Angela: I'd love to stay, but I promised my mom I'd be home by, like, 5:30. And if I'm late, she'll, like, lecture me and when she gets started, she just goes on and on and on about every little thing. You can't get a word in edgewise. It's like a total drag. I don't know if you know any people like that.
Jill: Just one.
Angela: See ya.