Tim: You ever thought of going back to school, Al?
Al: I don't know. What would I do at school?
Tim: Well, you could become a lab experiment.

Tim: Harry, you want some chili?
Harry: Oh, no, thanks. I don't want to irritate my colon.
Tim: Gee. Thanks for sharing.

Tim: Al, you want some of this?
Al: Oh, no, that stuff is way too spicy. Do you have any salt-free crackers?
Tim: Yeah, right here. Just have Benny lick the salt off for you.

Tim: This is crazy. Guys, come on, we've got our whole lives ahead of us. You know, you think young you are young. We're young, right?
All: [weakly] We're young.
Tim: That was pathetic. Come on, say it. We're young.
All: We're young!
Tim: We're vital.
All: We're vital!
Tim: We're gonna go out there and grab life by the yahoos!
All: Yahoo! Yeah!
Harry: Let's get this game going. I want to be in bed by 10:00.

Brett: Hey, Tim, we're headed over to Carmine's for pizza. You want to come with us?
Tim: Well, are you sure you want to be seen with your teacher?
Billy: Oh, well, you're not like a teacher, Mr. Taylor. You're cool.
Tim: So, you cats dig me, huh?
Grant: Up until that last sentence, we did.
Tim: You know, Grant, you're starting to remind me of me at your age.
Grant: Thanks.
Tim: It's not a good thing.

Billy: Wait. So, the guy says to the bartender, "Who keeps saying all these nice things about me?"
Grant: And the bartender says, "The peanuts. They're complimentary."
Tim: This is good. Eight pieces of pizza, I'm still laughing. Although it wasn't that funny in the car with the windows rolled up, was it?
Grant: I'm still hungry. You got anything to eat?
Tim: Fridge is there. Help yourself.
Brett: Is this your old lady?
Tim: Yeah. Although when you meet her, I might use some other term.
Brett: She's a babe.
Tim: Yeah, she is a babe. If you think she's a honey, wait till you see the honey in the garage.
Grant: Hey, can I eat this? Looks like tuna casserole.
Tim: For your own safety, Grant, don't touch the casserole. Put it down slowly, back away and don't make eye contact.

Brett: Whoa. It's a '55 Nomad.
Tim: Fully restored.
Grant: And fully restored again after you dropped that beam on it.
Billy: What do you got under the hood?
Tim: 395 horses. Listen. [engine revs]
Billy: It sounds awesome.
Brett: Yeah, but I bet it wouldn't beat my Firebird off the line.
Tim: You don't think so?
Grant: Why don't we go find out?
Tim: Oh, right. You want to go drag racing at 12:00 at night? [of their looks] All right. Our first field trip!

Tim: Who wants more breakfast chili?
Brad: What's the difference between breakfast chili and dinner chili?
Tim: Well, in this case, about a week.

Jill: Am I crazy or did I hear you come in at, like, 2:00 in the morning?
Tim: You're crazy. It was closer to quarter to three. Hey, do you have any plans next Tuesday night?
Jill: No. Why, what's up?
Tim: I thought it would be cool idea to invite some of the students and girlfriends for dinner.
Jill: Tuesday night's your poker night.
Tim: I'll skip it.
Jill: You've played poker every single Tuesday night for the last seven years.
Tim: It's getting to be a drag. I mean, all those guys do is talk about bodily functions.
Jill: You love bodily functions.
Tim: Yeah, but I'm a doer, not a talker.

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Tim & Al: Tool Time!
Heidi: hat's right. Welcome to Tool Time on location, starring that man in the tub, rub-a-dub-dub, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome.
Tim: Welcome to Tool Time on location. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And speaking of tubs, here's Al Borland.
Al: Thank you, Tim.