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The Old College Try

‘The Old College Try’

Season 7, Episode 12 -  Aired January 6, 1998

When Tim starts teaching a class on auto repair at the community college, he befriends some of his young students.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Quick. Pop quiz: What's the coolest car of all time?
Grant: '72 Eldorado convertible.
Tim: No.
Billy: Oh, the '67... The '67 Mustang Fastback.
Tim: Interesting, but so wrong.
Grant: '66 Karmann Ghia.
Tim: Get some help, Grant. Get some help.
Brett: '65 GTO with a 389 tri-power.
Tim: Color?
Brett: Montero red.
Tim: Montero red! So close and yet... [imitates buzzer] so definitely wrong. Palmetto blue. Palmetto blue.
Billy: Wait a minute. Are we getting graded on this?
Tim: Just you, Heidi.

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Quote from Tim

Jill: What are you doing revving up the engine at this hour?
Tim: That was stupid. That's why I'm taking it outside.
Jill: Now?
Tim: Yeah, I'm gonna go out and do a little comparative driving.
Jill: You're gonna go drag racing?
Tim: No! I'm not gonna take those kids drag racing. We'll just cruise around, you know. Wouldn't it be cool to see your old man take those kids off the line?
Jill: Are you insane? You have to go to work tomorrow. You should get some sleep.
Tim: I don't have to sleep. I've got more energy than I've ever had, thanks to you.
Jill: Me?
Tim: If you hadn't encouraged me, I wouldn't be with these guys having fun. I'd be upstairs in bed with you. Gotta go.

Quote from Randy

Randy: You know, how can you have so much energy after spending the night with a bunch of guys screwing around with cars?
Tim: Well, I think you answered your own question, didn't you?
Mark: I still don't get it. Why would your students want to hang out with you?
Brad: 'Cause they're sucking up.
Randy: You know, you gotta be pretty desperate to suck up to an auto shop teacher.

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, this week, we're gonna be doing a little repair work on the Burnett family bathroom. To get the ball rolling we have our friend and master plumber, Felix Myman, who's going to show us how to get rid of a really nasty sink clog.
Tim: And they say there's nothing good on TV. Felix, come on and join us.
Felix: Hello, Tim, Al. How are you doing?
Al: Great to have you back.
Tim: You know, Felix has more of his work on TV than any other plumber I know. Years ago I had my own cable show, Pipe Styles of the Rich and Famous.
Tim: Felix, from now on let me do the jokes, OK?
Al: Well, why don't we plunge right in?
Tim: Al!

Quote from Tim

Al: All right, well... Now, the first thing you want to do is determine the nature of your clog.
Felix: Well, my guess is, there's something foreign caught in the pipes.
Tim: You think? Foreign? You mean like a Volkswagen? Maybe Julio Iglesias? Maybe Stonehenge is in there.
Felix: I'm on the clock, Tim. Every one of your jokes is costing you money.
Al: Not to mention our viewers.

Quote from Tim

Felix: To clear a foreign object through the pipe I use a snake.
Tim: That's pretty old-fashioned stuff, actually, Felix. All the hip, young guys are using compressed air to clear their clogs.
Felix: Well, that's fine if you've got hip, young pipes, Tim. But these old pipes, compressed air can damage old plumbing.
Al: That's right. A snake may be slower, but it's trusty and reliable.
Tim: Uh... "Trusty" and "reliable. Are there two duller words in the English language? Wait a minute. Yeah, there are. Al, you don't have a middle name, do ya?

Quote from Jill

Jill: I'm sorry this evening didn't work out the way you expected.
Tim: Well, I don't know what I expected. You know, I'm not 21 years old anymore.
Jill: I bet it was fun to pretend you were for a couple weeks. Did you ever envision yourself in the future, married in the suburbs with three kids?
Tim: No. I figured I'd spend the rest of my life driving around in my van, listening to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida on an 8-track.
Jill: I guess it's not so bad to be 40 instead of 20. It feels good to be settled down, have some roots, even though they're getting gray.
Tim: To have a job, some money in the bank. That's good. We don't have to worry about getting lucky on New Year's Eve.
Jill: We just have to worry about staying awake on New Year's Eve.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hello, class.
Billy: Oh, whoa, whoa. Wayne Community College is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. [all hum the Tool Time theme] Ha, ha! What's up? What's up? Welcome.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Billy: No, man, it's Billy.
Grant: But we'd trade him for Heidi.
Tim: Thank you, flat top. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And for the next 12 weeks you will be my assistants.
All: Yeah.
Tim: Today, we're gonna start by talking about the most important part of a car.
Brett: The back seat?
Tim: No, actually, they'll be covering that in Miss Hensley's class down the hall, [with lisp] Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Quote from Tim

Tim: We're gonna focus on the engine, actually.
Brett: All right! [students all stand]
Tim: No, no, sit, sit, sit! You don't need tools today. All you need is paper and pencils. I'm gonna do a history lesson about the internal combustion engine. It's interesting because most people don't know it was developed in a little village in France. [a spitwad hits the board] That's cold. Very good spit to wad ratio on that. Very nice, very nice. Is this not interesting? Is that the problem?
Grant: We came here to get our hands dirty.
Tim: Oh, really? Well, look. The school curriculum says the first lesson is just lecture, OK?
Billy: Since when does "The Tool Man" follow instructions?
Grant: Right. He didn't follow them when he fell in that port-a-potty.
Tim: You know, this material is boring but it may come up on a test.
Grant: You make the tests.
Tim: I do? I can give D's rather than get them? I'm the king. All right. And these are my subjects. I say, let's get greasy. [grunts]

Quote from Tim

Jill: I want to hear all about the class when we get back from the movies, OK?
Tim: You don't have to leave. I'm making my "mucho macho" chili. Stick around.
Jill: Five men and a vat of chili.
Tim: Hm. You might want to get a hotel room.

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