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The Naked Truth

‘The Naked Truth’

Season 4, Episode 19 -  Aired February 28, 1995

Tim doesn't want to tell Jill when he accidentally sees Marty's wife Nancy in the shower.

Quote from Tim

Nancy: This is really embarrassing.
Tim: Yeah, it is a little bit, isn't it?
Nancy: Although what do we have to be embarrassed about? It's not like either of us hasn't seen a naked body before.
Tim: I've seen thousands of 'em.
Nancy: We have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Tim: Yeah. Especially you!
Nancy: Thanks. Actually, when you think about it, it's kinda funny.
Tim: Yeah, it's funny. Yeah.
Nancy: Marty and Jill are gonna laugh at this.
Tim: I don't think it's that funny.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: I hate to pry, fellas. What are you doing?
Brad: Randy split his pants doing the limbo.
Tim: And you're using a stapler to fix it? That's material on human flesh back there, pal. Let me get my hot glue gun.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim? Tim?
Tim: What is it, honey? What? What? What?
Jill: Excuse me. There are trucks double-parked all the way down the street. You said that if you did Tool Time from our bathroom, it'd be you, Al, Heidi, and one cameraman.
Tim: Wait till the audience gets here. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I had to do something to boost the ratings.
Jill: Oh, this'll be a real ratings-grabber. "Hey, Myrtle, forget Hawaii. Let's just stay home and watch Tim play with his toilet."

Quote from Tim

Tim: It's Water Conservation Week here on Tool Time, and what better place than here in the bathroom?
Al: That's right. Today we're going to show you how to install low-flow aerators, shower heads, and some water-conserving devices for the toilet.
Tim: But first, a little Tool Time riddle. What does the 50-yard line, behind home plate, and your toilet have in common? [imitates buzzer] The best seats in the house!
Al: All right, now. The standard toilet uses about 3.5 gallons per flush. Now, you can lessen that amount by displacing the water in the tank. You do that by taking off the top and filling that with large, heavy objects.
Tim: Now, we're not sure if it'll work, but we're gonna have Al jump in there. Okay, Al, hop in.
Al: I was talking more along the lines of perhaps a brick, a bag of marbles, or a plastic bottle filled with water.
Tim: Now, another good way to conserve water, if you can afford it, is a new toilet. What we would recommend is the Binford 6100 series pressure-activated toilet.
Al: That's right.
Tim: It only uses 1.4 gallons of water. Better than any other toilet on the market.
Al: Not true. The toilet on the space shuttle uses absolutely no water.
Tim: Thank you, Flush Gordon. We'll be back with more toilet tips after these few messages from Binford.

Quote from Mark

Mark: What is a bar mitzvah, anyways?
Brad: Well, when a Jewish boy turns 13, they say a whole bunch of prayers, and then eventually his family throws him a huge party, with lots of food and tons of presents.
Mark: Cool. You think if I start praying now, I could have a bar mitzvah?
Brad: Yeah, Mark, why don't you do that? Then tomorrow you can pray for a new brain.
Mark: I just hope I don't get yours.

Quote from Tim

Tim: He's got a job interview on Saturday. You know, if he gets that job, I think they're going to move here.
Jill: Great. We'd get to play with those babies all the time.
Tim: And I get to play with my baby brother.
Jill: You're not gonna put him in a red ant hill again, are you?
Tim: I think I've grown out of that kind of prank.
Jill: Give him atomic wedgies?
Tim: Way too old for that.
Jill: Fake vomit in the shoes?
Tim: Never too old for that.

Quote from Marty

Nancy: Did you call home? How is everything?
Marty: Oh, my mom's fine.
Nancy: I was talking about the babies.
Marty: I don't know. They wouldn't come to the phone. [Nancy slaps Marty's shoulder] Ow! Where do they learn that?
Tim: SWAT team.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I can't believe you! Your first morning away from the kids. You could have slept in.
Nancy: Nope. I am determined to get my old body back.
Tim: It's back.
Nancy: I still have a few more pounds to lose.
Jill: Oh, you look great. I'd take that body in a minute.
Tim: So would l.
Jill: What does that mean?
Tim: If I had a body like that, I could wear the jogging bra I've always wanted to.
Marty: I picture you more in a strapless push-up.
Tim: Yeah? Really, Nancy, how comfortable is that bra? I mean, does it chafe? I'm so sensitive in this area...

Quote from Jill

Marty: I'm off to the job interview. Wish me luck.
Tim: Hey, you don't need luck. You're a Taylor.
Jill: That's right. You need directions.
Tim: That reminds me. I got a map for you out in the car. [heads to the garage]
Jill: Wrong way. Your car's out front.
Tim: Of course it is.

Quote from Jill

Nancy: I think I'll go take a hot shower. My back gets stiff when I don't run on the track.
Jill: Well, that's good, but use our bathroom, 'cause Randy's been in his all morning.
Nancy: Oh, has he got a big date?
Jill: Big bar mitzvah. Oh, my gosh. I gotta run out and get Sherman a present.
Nancy: Do you want to borrow my earmuffs? It's really nippy out there.
Jill: No, Nancy, when I say "run out", I mean "take the car."

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