Tim: So when do we hear something back from them?
Jill: Uh... Dr. Kaufman said that she'd call by 6:00 tomorrow.
Tim: And we want a goiter?
Jill: Yes, we want a goiter. So, how do we get through the next 24 hours?
Tim: Think real positive, just hope those tests come out proving that... [sees Brad] Um, the laundry detergent does get our brights brighter and our whites whiter.
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I think it's gonna make the sheets much softer and more luxurious.
Tim: Yes, and I like that because it makes me feel pampered.
[Brad blows out his cheeks and walks away]

Brad: What's going on here?
Jill: Nothin'.
Brad: Mom, if you're cooking food like this, I mean, something's gotta be up. I mean, we usually get burnt toast and mushy bananas.
Tim: It's our anniversary.
Brad: Your anniversary was two months ago.
Tim: This is the anniversary of the first time we had eggs.
Brad: Well, then, happy anniversary.

Jill: You're right. It's gonna tip 'em off. We have to get rid of all this.
Tim: Well, don't throw it out. Honey!
Randy: Hey! Why are you throwing those out? I love silver-dollar pancakes.
Tim: There's a good reason for that.
Randy: What?
Tim: 'Cause I'm gonna take you to breakfast.
Randy: You are?
Tim: Yeah. Grab your coat. Let's go out for breakfast, you and I, stop by the arcade, play a little Mortal Massacre, huh?
Randy: Well, I'll be late for history.
Tim: Son, how many times have I told you? You can't live in the past.

Randy: Man, this is awesome, skipping school, going out to breakfast, Mortal Massacre. I can't believe you guys are treatin' me so good. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think I was dyin'. [dish drops] That was a joke, guys.
Tim: [chuckles] That was a joke. I didn't get it at first, but I just got it. I got it. Tell your mom. Make sure she got it.
Randy: What's goin' on? Does this have anything to do with that blood test I took yesterday?
Jill: OK, yeah, but there's nothing for you to worry about. Do you remember when the doctor was feeling your neck yesterday?
Randy: Yeah.
Jill: Well, um, she felt some swelling which might be a goiter.
Tim: Which is nothing.
Randy: Then why don't they call it nothing instead of a goiter?
Tim: Well, they're not exactly the same thing. I mean, you couldn't say, "Tigers - 8, Yankees - goiter."

Al: You know, Tim, far be it from me to criticize a colleague, but your performance out there today was... was a little dull.
Tim: Well, who would know better than the human yawn? [yawns]
Al: What was the matter with you out there?
Tim: Didn't get enough sleep last night.
Al: Ah, polish food again?
Tim: No.
Al: Mexican? You know, that makes my mother go back and forth, back...
Tim: Al... thanks for wrecking my appetite for the rest of my life.

Tim: This has nothing to do with what I ate last night.
Al: Then why couldn't you sleep?
Tim: I had something on my mind.
Al: Is there something wrong with the family?
Tim: No.
Al: Well, is it... is it me? Have I let you down in any way?
Tim: Al, you've let me down in every way. It's not about you and me. It's nothing.

Jill: [on the phone] I wast just wondering if you have Randy's test results back yet. It might be three or four more hours? I'll hold. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I understand. Bye.

Jill: OK, all right, I got one. "Lacks." L-a-c-k-s. Lacks.
Tim: 2, 3, 4. 12.
Jill: That's 15.
Tim: You gave me an opening, honey. Read it and weep. "Ex-lacks." [Jill scoffs] What?
Randy: Well, Dad, first of all, that's a brand name.
Jill: And you didn't spell it correctly.
Tim: You're telling me there's no "x"?

Jill: [on the phone] Oh, hi, Dr. Kaufman. Yeah, uh-huh. It isn't? Oh, God, that's such a relief. There's no cancer, no operation. [Jill, Tim and Randy hug] Yes. Oh. OK, OK. Yeah, we will, we will. Thank you so much. All right, bye.
Tim: Hey! [they hug]
Randy: So that's it? I'm OK?
Jill: Yeah. Well, yeah, but you have hypothyroidism, which is why you've been so tired.
Tim: Hypothyroidism. Is that the pill or the goiter?
Jill: The pill.
Randy: Well, OK, it's just a pill every day.
Tim: That's it.
Randy: Let's go eat. I'm starvin'.
Tim: OK. OK.
Jill: I'll be up in a minute. I'll put the game away, OK?

Tim: I was kinda hopin' for a goiter. Goiter's a funny word, you know.
Randy: Goiter boy.
Tim: My young son, the goiter. And then I could buy you a goiter belt.