Tim: [on the phone] Look, Elway, I saw you goofing around today, and I'm not gonna put up with this stuff. What? Yes, I'd say this to your face. I might not be yelling this loud. No, you can't be traded to Al's team. Tomorrow I expect you lifting something heavier than a jelly doughnut. And why don't you tell that to your little friend Holyfield, too? Actually, I'd prefer if you'd tell him. Right, OK. Bye, John. [hangs up] Oh!
Jill: Getting a little panicky, Tim?
Tim: I'm not panicking. The guys just need a little motivation.
Jill: What you guys need is some women.
Tim: They build this house right, I'll get 'em all the women they want.

Jill: You had your chance to get me on your team, and you blew it.
Tim: All right, all right. You wanna be on the team tomorrow, you can be on the team. Might as well just bring that woman that does plumbing and that other gal that does the roof with you, too.
Jill: So you're ready to admit that when it comes to building a house, women are as good as men?
Tim: Why do you make everything into a competition? You should be more like me. I think everybody's equal.
Jill: Since when?
Tim: I've always felt that way. Men are in every way as equal to women, and women are in every way... [coughs] to men.
Jill: Well, all I gotta say, Tim, is my team of women is beating the [coughs] out of your team of men.

Wilson: Well, hi-de-ho, good Samaritan Tim.
Tim: Wilson? What are you doing over there?
Wilson: Well, Jill told me about the project and asked me if I could help.
Tim: If you wanted to help, why didn't you join my team?
Wilson: Well, Tim, aren't we all on the same team?
Tim: No. And your team seems to be winning.
Wilson: You know, Tim, this isn't a question of winning and losing. Perhaps you're familiar with the great German philosopher Immanuel Kant. He said, "Idee zu einer allgemeinen Geschichte in weltbürgerlicher Absicht."
Tim: Ain't that the truth.
Wilson: Well, Tim, all he's saying is, the important part of generosity is generosity of the spirit.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah. You gotta have spirit, don't you?

Jill: Hey, Wilson, what are you doing out there?
Wilson: Well, I was just explaining to your husband the meaning of benevolence.
Jill: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put a cork in it and get back to work.
Tim: Why don't you go tell her what you just told me?
Wilson: Jill? Idee zu einer...

Tim: Welcome back. Now the moment we've all been waiting for. A little gander at my house. Come on in. Inspector, I think you're gonna be remarkably impressed with the quality of workmanship. Let's go in. [doorknob falls off] Doorknobs were Elway's department.
Inspector: Now, this is very nice.
Tim: Thank you.
Inspector: I like the archway.
Tim: Well, we, um... we didn't go by just the plans. We actually made some improvements in the house on our own. Wait till you see the kitchen. Come on in. Those upper cabinets are equipped with fully concealed adjustable hinges, and we installed a reverse osmosis water filtration system. [tap doesn't run] Should have never put Holyfield in charge of plumbing. Oh, but look at the rest of the house. The kitchen needs a little work, but come on this way. Look at this bathroom here, huh? Yeah, that's nice. That's great. You gotta try our new exhaust fan, though. At least try that. First switch here. Custom. [the inspector's hat is sucked up into a vent] The living room. It's our pride and joy. Try that. I'll try to find that hat.

Tim: Jill, guess what I got.
Jill: A video from President Carter.
Tim: Good guess.
Jill: His office called to see if we got it.
Tim: Well, we did. This is great. It's his thank-you or something. Let's watch.
Jimmy Carter: [on tape] Hi, Tim, Al and Jill. I'd like to thank you for your participation in our Habitat for Humanity housing blitz.
Tim: You're welcome.
Jimmy Carter: [on tape] Al and Jill, the house you built is a perfect example of what can happen when caring people band together for a common goal. And Tim... what can I say? [Jill laughs] Crews are working round the clock to repair the house you built. Oh, yeah. Rosalynn would like a picture of Al.
Tim: Let's tape over this.

Tim: Hi, honey. Well, got dinner. Barbecue from Bits-o-Pig.
Jill: Great, great. Hey, uh, Marie and I watched your show today.
Tim: Why?
Jill: There was nothing else good on.

Jill: You didn't tell me that you were involved in building those houses for Habitat.
Tim: Didn't I mention it?
Jill: No, you didn't. You know, I'd really like to help.
Tim: That's why I didn't mention it.

Al: Well, the first member of Team Al I would like you to meet is Tim's wife Jill.
Jill: Hi. I'm very happy to be out here working for such a worthy cause.
Tim: Next we have... the reigning Miss America, Miss Kimberly Aiken.
Kimberly Aiken: Hi.
Al: Welcome aboard.
Kimberly Aiken: Thanks.
Tim: Hi, Kimberly. Tim Taylor. Good to have you on.
Kimberly Aiken: Hello.
Tim: You wearing that crown under your hat there?
Kimberly Aiken: Yeah, and I have my evening gown on under my overalls.
Tim: Really...?

Jill: This here is Gwen number one. She's been working on Habitat houses for what, ten years? And this is Gwen number two. She is a professional plumber.
Al: And Denise here is a master electrician.
Tim: Well, isn't that just dandy? This team can build a house. My team can bench-press a house.
Jill: Yeah, it'll make it a lot easier to dust under it.
Tim: Well, you've met the teams. Now we start building, so stay tuned.