Tim: No, I'm talking about the gizmos and gadgets and thingamajigs that make a man's life worthwhile.
Al: Well, I hear you, brother. How many times have you found yourself at the beach or maybe a tailgate party and you're longing for a zesty blended beverage?
Tim: Not a problem anymore with this model of American ingenuity. All it takes is one rip... This next gadget's on the top of my list of favorites.
Al: That's right. Now, you may be thinking I'm wearing usual coveralls, but you're wrong. I'm sporting the practical and very fashionable vacu-suit. [upbeat jazz music plays]
Tim: That's right, from the Binford winter collection. You've got to say "tres chic" when you look at Al right now. The point of this is, why lug around a heavy vacuum cleaner when you can just can add the vacuum to the man.
Al: That's right.
Tim: Just add a hose to Al.
Al: Mm-hmm. Not there, Tim!
Tim: He's got a built-in compressor and motor. Flip him on and watch Al suck.
Al: Uh, Tim... Tim, I think we have a problem! Turn it off! Turn it off, Tim! Turn it off, Tim! Ah! Tim!

Tim: Hey, Bradley. I got great news.
Brad: You pumped so much air into Al, he's bigger than his mom.
Tim: No, that would be quite impossible.
Tim: Get this. Clay Ford, the owner of the Lions, is a big Tool Time fan. He's offered us the use of a luxury box for the Thanksgiving game.
Brad: Our own private box? That is so cool.
Tim: Yeah, there's just one annoying detail. [door closes] And there she is.

Jill: What do you think about a soy turkey?
Tim: Hey, I'm up for anything. You know what I believe, that no matter what you eat or where you eat it, Thanksgiving is great as long as we're all together.
Jill: We are not gonna spend Thanksgiving at a car show.
Tim: No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous. Now, listen. We've been offered a luxury box at the Silverdome. We can enjoy an incredible Thanksgiving dinner in the privacy of our own room.
Jill: You're saying you'd rather spend the day in a football stadium being served Thanksgiving meal by total strangers?
Tim: Yes.
Jill: Hot damn! I'm sleeping in. [they high-five]

Mark: All right. Check out the view.
Jill: Wow. This is really beautiful.
Randy: Yeah, if you like disgusting opulence.
Tim: And I do.

Tim: The contrast on these monitors is bad. Let me work on this.
Ted: No, no, no, Tim. Don't touch anything!
Tim: I'm in the business, Ted. I know how to work these things.
Ted: This is specially made for the Silverdome- [lights go out] [explosion] Oh, my God. Oh.

Tim: I just wanted to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Look what happened! [the lights flicker as Tim bangs the console] Sorry!
Ted: Wait. Do that again.
Tim: Sorry!
Ted: No, no, hit the console.
[The lights come back on as Tim bangs the console a second time]
Tim: What were you worried about?