Al: All right now, next up... Next up, we're, uh, we're gonna look for the greatest source of energy loss, air leaks!
Tim: You can usually find one underneath the front door.
Al: That's right. A simple way to fix that, put in a door sweep as a barrier.
Tim: An easy do-it-yourself fix.
Al: Let's get to work.
Tim: Ooh, Al, I see another draft. [sighs] It's a cold one. [drinks beer]

Heidi: Welcome back to our continuing effort to make Al's place energy efficient.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. We now give you... [fanfare plays]
Tim & Al: The board door!
Al: Now, a board door is the most effective way to detect air leaks in your home.
Tim: It does that by creating a vacuum inside the house, pulling outside air through any cracks and openings.
Al: And since you can't see air...
Tim: Unless you live in Los Angeles. [chuckles] Oh, that's not pollution, that's a marine layer!

Al: We're gonna use this generator to create smoke so we can then see our leaks. [Tim blows smoke in Al's face] Thank you, Tim. Now have you sealed up the house, all the doors, windows, vents?
Tim: You bet I have.
Al: Then we're ready to see leaks.
Tim: But first off, let's make sure that the fireplace flue is shut. A good way to remember that is to close the flue, pull towards you. Push away, make fire today. My grandfather taught me that.

Al: All right Tim why don't you go outside and crank up the smoke?
Tim: Can I turn on the blower?
Al: All right.
Tim: It's a great control panel. Look at this bad boy, huh?
Al: You might not want to tweak it that high.
Tim: The faster we tweak, the faster we find our leak. My grandma taught me that one.

Ian: I know. Look, I'm sorry, I feel like a idiot. Believe me, tomorrow everything's going to be strictly business.
Jill: Uh, uh. No. I don't think there should be a tomorrow.
Ian: What do you mean?
Jill: I'm not going to feel comfortable having you finish this.
Ian: Who's going to install the rest of the granite?
Jill: Well, I do happen to be married to Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.
Ian: [chuckles] Well, good luck.

Jill: Now, come on, you're getting paranoid.
Tim: Am I?
Jill: I had no idea that this was gonna turn out this way. All I wanted was for you not to fire another guy and for us to get our kitchen finished.
Tim: Did you? Maybe you secretly have the hots for the granite man.
Jill: I don't have the hots for any man!
Tim: Hmm.
Jill: Look you know what I mean, well... You... You probably have plenty of secrets from me!
Tim: No, I don't. You always talk about trust in this marriage. You do something like this and you break it.

Jill: What I am asking you is, how honest is a person supposed to be in relationship?
Wilson: Well, Jill, I always believed in being totally honest.
Jill: You have?
Wilson: Which might explain why I haven't had a decent relationship in over 20 years.
Jill: So, maybe it's not such a good idea to be totally honest.
Wilson: Well, it depends on the relationship.

Jill: Well, I was extremely human today. I even snuck a peek at this guy's... [finds Wilson bent over in his igloo] butt.
Wilson: Well, Jill, that's no big deal. If I had a nickel for every married woman at the library who checked out my butt, I could pay everybody's overdue fines.
Jill: Well, I wish that I could, you know, go ahead and be honest with him and tell him I was attracted to Ian.
Wilson: Maybe you should.
Jill: You know, when it comes to the really big stuff, Tim doesn't keep any secrets from me.
Wilson: Or me!

[Tim answers the door to Ian]
Tim: [grunting] [title: "What are you doing here?"]
Ian: [muttering] [title: "I came for my tools."]
Tim: [grunting] [title: "Here you go."]
Ian: [grunting] [title: "I'm sorry about what happened with your wife."]
Tim: [inquisitive grunt] [title: "What about 'my knife'?"]
Ian: [grunting] [title: "I said, 'your wife'."]
Tim: [short grunt] [title: "I'm sorry it came to this. You're a hell of a granite guy. Maybe the best there ever was."]
Ian: [grunts] [title: "Thanks. See you."]
Tim: [grunts] [title: "Jokes on him. I kept his best chisel."] [grunting laughter]

Tim: The god of granite just smiled on us!
Jill: Meaning?
Tim: We hired the best guy in the state.
Jill: Yes!
Tim: Well, apparently the couple he was working for split up. She got the sport ute and the house, he got the Shih Tzu. And we got the granite guy!