Rock: Hey, Timmy, you're gonna love this. We wrote this one just for you. We call it "The Ratchet Rhapsody".
Tim: We-he-he-he-hell... Making their television debut right here on Tool Time, K&B and the boys and Janeen. Rock, let's roll!
Rock: Beat!
Pete: That would be me.

Tim: What I'm trying to say here is that tools in general don't just have to make banging, crashing, sawing noises. Tools can also make music. And to prove my point, I've got a special guest invited here to Tool Time. So I expect a big Tool Time welcome for Miss Janeen Rae Heller. Hi, Janeen. This is my assistant, Al.
Janeen Rae Heller: Oh, I'm a big fan of yours, Al.
Tim: Thanks for that. Why don't you sit right down here? As we all can plainly see, Janeen's got an ordinary Binford crosscut saw. Which means we're gonna have her build us a sun porch.
Janeen Rae Heller: No, Tim, I'm going to be playing music.
Tim: Music to even the most sensitive of ears. All right, hit it, Janeen.
Janeen Rae Heller: Any requests?
Tim: Maybe...
Al: Yes, I have one. It's from my favorite movie.
Tim: Do you know the theme to Dumbo?
Al: Tim, that's my favorite movie about an elephant. I would like to hear "Greensleeves".

Randy: How's it going?
Tim: OK.
Randy: I got a question for you. How do you build a house?
Tim: That's a good question, first you select the site where you're gonna build. Then you pick the style of house. And then you put the donuts right back in the cupboard.
Brad: Oh, man!
Tim: Where you going? I haven't finished. Then you pour the foundation...
Randy: Later, Dad.

Jill: I thought you were gonna ask yourself, "What would Jill want me to buy?"
Tim: I asked her, this is what she said. No, the... the salesman down at the stereo place - Biff - said: "Are you into opera?"
Jill: Oh, Biff asked you that?
Tim: Yeah. And he said that if you are, you'd like the Dolby Pro Logic Surround Sound.
Jill: Oh, I see.

Jill: So you bought all this stuff for me?
Tim: Absolutely.
Jill: What is this thing right there?
Tim: Your new police scanner.
Jill: Gee, thanks, honey. It's just what I always wanted.
Tim: Well, I was gonna wait for our anniversary, but, you know, it's a special time for me.

Tim: Look, I anticipated your techno-fright. Watch what I did. I rewired the whole system to be sound-sensitive. What's that? Listen to this. You just turn the whole unit on. OK. Now... You want the TV on? Clap once. [Jill laughs] Come on. [Jill claps] See? [the police scanner turns on] Oh, no, uh... TV's twice. [rock music plays when Tim claps twice] Three times. [Tim claps three times] TV. [The TV comes on with rock music still playing] There... I'll get this. Hold on. [Tim starts clapping and jumping in front of the TV]

Jill: I have a question about this remote you installed, where you clap. When we're watching the opera and the audience applauds, will it turn the TV off?
Tim: Help me out and grab that bare wire for me, please.
Jill: Tim, I don't want to be a nagging wife.
Tim: Then how will I recognize you? [Jill grabs Tim] All right, you're loving and supporting. Let go. What are you? A mud wrestler on the weekends?

Tim: "To series your equipment. Locate audio-in jack and auxiliary output. For VCR and CD, reverse process or go..." Oh, jeez. Do I go in from the output or out from the input?

Jill: I talked to the insurance agent.
Tim: I hope they're gonna pay for this.
Jill: Yeah, they are, but they're doubling our deductible.
Tim: Why?
Jill: They seem to think that you're accident-prone.
Tim: Where are they getting that idea?
Jill: Well, Tim, just stop and think about it.
[Tim remembers his accidents: hitting Bob Vila with a wooden plank, crashing his lawn mower, crashing a pick-up truck into a porch, electrocuting himself, falling off the roof, being pulled through the snow]
Jill: [grunts]
Tim: I see. I get that point. I do.