Jill: Tim, why are you obsessed with all this gadgetry? This is way too complicated.
Tim: This couldn't be simpler.
Jill: Oh, yeah? Then you tell me, how do I turn the TV on?
Tim: [scoffs] Piece of cake. Set your pre-amp, turn on your amp, set VTR button to "TV". Sound system acoustical or flat. Dolby up one C, flip on your monitor.
Jill: Tim, box it up, open the door, put it in the car, take it back.

Wilson: Hi-de-ho, neighbor.
Tim: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Did you get that sound system hooked up yet?
Tim: Oh, yeah. Piece of cake, man. Can I ask you a question?
Wilson: Woof my tweeter, Tim.
Tim: When you listen to your music, do you have it up so loud it rattles the walls?
Wilson: Well, I used to, Tim, but nowadays when I pound on the bongos that hard, it just makes my palms sore.

Tim: Jill thinks I'm obsessed with all this stereo technology.
Wilson: Mm-hmm-hmm.
Tim: That's not it, you know. I like the loud music, but I like sound. That's what I like. I like 20 megahertz roaring through my body, shaking my bladder. My brain's blasting, my stomach's quivering... [grunts]

Tim: Thank you all. Thank you all. Ar-ar yourselves. Cut it out. Welcome to the show. We have a very special program. I'm Tim Taylor. Of course, this is my assistant Al "I Wish I Could Be Tim Taylor" Borland. Like I said, we have a very special show today.
Al: You mean you're not going to break anything, Tim?
Tim: Maybe just your contract, fella.

Tim: Last time, if you remember, we saw Janeen Rae Heller play her saw.
Al: That's right.
Tim: Ooh, remember seeing Janeen play the saw?
Al: Yes, Tim, I've seen her saw.
Tim: So, you say you saw her saw?
Al: Yes, I saw her saw. So?
Tim: So now you're saying you saw her sew.
Al: Not sew. I've seen her saw.
Tim: I see. Well, enough of that nonsense.

Tim: Anyway, after the show, we got a terrific letter from the guys at K&B Construction Company. Boy, were they pumped. They wrote me, and I was excited to see them. So I've invited them down here to Tool Time. I want you all to give a big Tool Time welcome to the boys from K&B Construction. Bay City, Michigan: Rock, Dwayne, Pete and Juke! It's really nice to have you back again.
Rock: Great to be back, Timmy. Listen, we were so inspired by Janeen's performance on that saw, next day we went out to the job site and started listening to the sounds of the tools around us. We kept hearing the reverberation of steel on steel. Sledgehammers cracking concrete... [Tim grunts] and jackhammers busting cement!

Pete: It was a veritable cacophony, culminating in a creative crescendo. [laughs]

Rock: Timmy, it was amazing. Old Juke here whipped out his mouth harp, started playing along with those sounds. Musical magic was happening right there, way above the traffic.
Tim: You guys making music like that, it reminds me of a dithyramb. You know, that Greek thing where 50 guys get naked and dance in a field? [Al and the K&B guys are silent] You know... you know what I mean.
Pete: Well, we don't have time for that, Tim. See, we only get an hour off for lunch.

Tim: Rock, what do you have for us?
Rock: Well... Timmy, the guys and I have formed a band. I'll be playing the angle grinder and a 55-gallon drum.
Dwayne: Tim, I'm gonna be on the galvanized-piping chimes and also on the anvil.
Pete: Tim, I'll be on the trash can, the gas cans and the wrench. In fact, Tim, I am the entire rhythm section.

Tim: God, my body's quivering right now just thinking about this. People like this build together to build a band that plays with only tools. I guess, Al, we could call this "heavy metal".
Al: I don't think so, Tim, but I do find them riveting.
Tim: Good one, Al.