Tim: Whoo! Boy, that blizzard dumped some snow out there, huh?
Jill: [nervous chuckle] Hi, honey. You're home early.
Tim: I had one of the best days of my life. I had a talk with the editor from Classic Hot Rod magazine.
Jill: Congratulations. Oh, honey, that's wonderful.
Tim: I didn't tell you what we talked about.
Jill: You're right! You're right. You didn't tell me. You should sit down and tell me. Every single word, even if it takes all night. You want some coffee?
Tim: Sure, why not? They're thinking of doing an article on my hot rod.
Jill: Your hot rod.
Tim: He's coming by early in the morning to check it out.
Jill: Oh, God!
Tim: It's great news. I told him it was a cherry hot rod. It's never even been out in the rain. I probably spend more time with that than I do with... Uh... Never mind.

Jill: Well, you know, we have not talked about books and movies for a long time. I feel kind of like we're drifting apart. Why don't you sit down here? And we'll just talk like we used to, you know. Uh... Um... You know what my favorite book is?
Tim: No, I don't.
Jill: The encyclopedia.
Tim: Have you been hitting the eggnog a little early this year?
Jill: No, no, honey. Oh, Tim! Tim! I have a great idea. Let's go to the movies, right now.
Tim: I can't go to the movies.
Jill: Tim, don't say that you can't. If you believe you can, you can make it happen.
Tim: I believe you've lost your mind, honey.

Tim: When you've got that gauge dried out, you can use these towels to sop up the carpet.
Al: You know, Tim, I haven't heard the word "please" all night.
Tim: You're right. Please shut up and get back to work.
Al: I'm starving. I thought you said there'd be sandwiches.
Tim: What do I look like? A deli?
Al: All I'm saying is that if you were over at my house sopping up a car, I would serve you a little something.

Tim: Anyway, we're gonna remove this rumor with Binford's 6100 series power washer. Now, normally these things have about 11 horse, but I've added a few extra ponies.
Al: How many more?
Tim: Oh, about 100. Heidi, start her up. Stand back. Just like butter.
Al: Well, that worked just great. Now "Al's a gal" is in there permanently and what are you gonna do about that?
Tim: Add "For a good time, call..."

Jill: No, guys, guys. You can't sing "Ba bum ba bum bum." It's "Pa rum pa pum pum." "Ba bum ba bum bum" just doesn't make any sense.
Boy: What's the difference?
Jill: Well, the difference is, if you sing "Ba bam ba bum bum" instead of "Pa rum pa pum pum," everybody'll think you're da da da da dumb.

Jill: You know, these guys have got to learn that Christmas is not just about fun.
Tim: You taught me. I'm sure you can teach them.
Jill: What is this? You guys are supposed to stay here and help paint the sets for Mark's pageant. I gotta paint a whole village.
Randy: We'd love to stay and help you, Mom. But unfortunately we've got that gosh darn hockey game this afternoon.
Jill: Well, what time is this "gosh darn" hockey game gonna be over?
Brad: Well, what time are you gonna be done painting?
Jill: Well, if that's your attitude, I just don't know if I want you to help me after all.
Brad & Randy: All right.

Jill: Mark, come on. It's just you and me now doing all this work. Will you bring the paint out to the garage while I move the hot rod?
Mark: I can't. I'm going over to Billy's.
Jill: Right. And leave me alone here to do all the work on your pageant.
Mark: Yep. [off Jill's look] Oh, well, now I think about it, I'd much rather stay here with you.

Tim: The interior looks really good. You did a really nice job on all the details. Did you wax this thing?
Jill: I waxed it.
Tim: You know, deep down you must be a car babe.
Jill: Very, very deep down.
Tim: I love you. [after Tim kisses Jill, she falls asleep] Well, I've still got it.

Tim: They decided to put a picture of the hot rod in the magazine.
Jill: They did? Oh, good. I'm so glad.
Tim: They're gonna get a woman in a string bikini to sit on the hood.
Jill: Tim, I have never been more proud of you than I am at this moment.
Tim: I suggested you be that woman.
Jill: Well, I appreciate the thought, Tim, but there's not enough string in the whole wide world.