Mr. Leonard: Hey, Timmy. I'm sorry I'm late.
Tim: Yeah. Thanks for showing up halfway through the show.
Mr. Leonard: I was getting the stitches removed from my butt. The doctor says hello. He recognized your handiwork.

Mr. Leonard: All right. What's your problem with me, kid?
Tim: I saw you at Sorentino's last night with another woman.
Mr. Leonard: Oh, boy!
Tim: Yeah. I saw everything. Flowers, the kiss.
Mr. Leonard: I'll be honest with you, Tim. I am dating another woman beside your mother. Her name is Florence.
Tim: How can you do this to Mom? She told me you made her happy than she's been in years.
Mr. Leonard: Timmy, I feel the same way about your mother.
Tim: Well, what about Florence?
Mr. Leonard: I wanted to break it off with her, so I took her out to dinner to say goodbye.
Tim: That's not what it looked like.
Mr. Leonard: I know. I kept saying goodbye, and she kept saying hello.
Tim: All I'm saying is, my mom is real serious about you.
Mr. Leonard: Tim, I was married for 42 years. After my wife died, I never thought I'd date again. And then about three months ago, I met two terrific women. I really liked the both of them. I guess I went a little overboard.
Tim: You got to figure out who you're saying hello and goodbye to.

Al: Yo guys, we're on in three seconds. Are you two finished, or should I do it by myself?
Tim: If you do it by yourself, we're all finished. Come on! [theme music plays] Well, we're back with Mr. Leonard, who's now gonna choose between a ballpeen hammer and a bumping hammer, remembering how close he is to the son of the ballpeen.

Jill: What do you think he's saying to her down there?
Tim: I don't know.
Jill: Well, is he going to stop seeing that other woman?
Tim: I don't know.
Jill: Is he going to make more of commitment to your mother?
Tim: I don't know.
Jill: How is it possible for you to have a conversation with this man and know nothing?
Tim: I don't know. That's the difference between you and me. I don't pry into people's lives.
Jill: Well, neither do l. God, I wish we'd put that intercom switch on downstairs!
Tim: I did. Just turn the volume up.

Mr. Leonard: You know, l... I've been thinking a lot about our relationship.
Lucille: I have too.
Mr. Leonard: Oh, OK. You want to go steady?
Lucille: Sounds good to me. Does that mean you won't be seeing that other woman?
Mr. Leonard: Oh, boy! I wasn't that obvious, was I?
Lucille: No. It was Tim and Jill. They were acting so idiotic last night I knew something was up.
Mr. Leonard: Well, that is all over. I've also given a great deal of thought about my priorities in life. You're right at the top. Right after my arthritis pills.
Lucille: [chuckles] You're at the top of my list, too. After my bunion pads.
Mr. Leonard: [laughs] Boy, are we gonna be a lovely pair, walking hand in hand into the pharmacy.
Lucille: So, where do we go from here?
Mr. Leonard: I don't know. But at our age we had better go fast.
Lucille: Art!

Mr. Leonard: You're prettier than a blushing apricot in a little wicker basket.
Lucille: I love it when you talk fruit to me.
[elsewhere, listening over the intercom:]
Jill: Isn't that sweet?
Tim: He sure knows his produce.
Jill: What do you think they're doing now?
Tim: It's pretty quiet. [speaks over the intercom] Hey, Mr. Leonard!