Tim: Hey, Mr. Leonard. Come on in. Have a seat.
Mr. Leonard: I only wish I could.
Tim: Still a little tender in that area, huh?
Mr. Leonard: Whoa. I got shot in the butt in Korea, it didn't hurt this much.

Lucille: Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late. Oh, Art!
Mr. Leonard: Hey, beautiful! My gosh! You're as pretty as a peach in a little red wagon.
Jill: How come you never say stuff like that to me?
Tim: I didn't even understand it.

Jill: Come on, Tim. You know they're seeing each other.
Tim: Yeah, but I thought they were seeing each other like old people see each other. You know, eating dinner at 4:30, watching Matlock.
Jill: They're old, Tim, they're not dead.
Tim: [laughs] You're not suggesting that they...
Jill: They might be.
Tim: Oh, no.
Jill: Come on, just because they're older doesn't mean they don't have the same urges we have.
Tim: You know, this is an area I don't want to discuss, OK?
Jill: Tim, you are an adult. I mean, you should be able to think of your mother as a sexual being.
Tim: [winces, groans]

Jill: I got to go to the ladies' room.
Tim: All right. Wash your hands.
Jill: What?
Tim: I thought I was with the boys. You don't need to wash your hands.
Jill: Thank you.

Mark: Are you and Mr. Leonard gonna get married?
Lucille: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's a possibility someday. We're not ready yet.
Randy: Are you gonna live together first, like Mom and Dad did?
Lucille: Wait a minute. Are you saying that before they got married your mom and dad lived together?
Randy: Oh, no, no. See, what I said is that before they got married they loved good weather. See?
Brad: You know, Grandma, maybe you ought to think about getting your ears checked.
Lucille: My hearing is just fine.
Brad: How's your memory?

Jill: We have got to tell her.
Tim: No, we're not gonna tell her. Tomorrow, I'll talk to Mr. Leonard tool man to tool man, OK?
Jill: We're just going to pretend nothing happened?
Tim: That's how we do it in my family. She still doesn't know that through the summer of love I hitchhiked to Indy... or that you and I lived together before we were married.

Lucille: You know, I didn't expect you home so early. Maybe I'll go over to Art's and surprise him.
Jill: Well, that would surprise him. But you don't want to do that.
Lucille: Why? Do you think he's in bed?
Tim: I'd bet on it.
Lucille: 9:30 on a Saturday night? I'm sure he's still up.
Tim: Mom, you can't go.
Lucille: Why not?
Tim: Because, gosh darn it! I miss you.
Jill: You should go see Art tomorrow.
Lucille: OK. I guess that can be done.
Tim: Great. Let's have some coffee. We'll talk about all the things we haven't talked about.
Lucille: OK. Why not start with how you two lived together before you got married?
Tim: [to Jill] Hey, you handle that. I'll make the coffee.

Tim: Where's Mr. Leonard?
Al: He called to say he's running a little late.
Tim: Oh, I bet he's running late! Probably picking up babes down at the Social Security Office.

Al: You guys, we're on in three minutes!
Wilson: Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Al: Tim, stand away from Wilson.
Tim: Why?
Al: Don't ask.

Al: Well, now that we've shown you Wilson's metal sculptures...
Tim: I'm Spartacus. No, I'm Spartacus. I am Spartacus. Ask anybody, I'm... No, I'm Spartacus. OK, you're Spartacus. You go ahead with that Spartacus stuff. Get whipped.
Al: Spartacus and I will be right back after these messages with Tim's high-school shop teacher, Mr.
Leonard.
Tim: He's gonna show us how to customize a mailbox, so stay tuned.