Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Roomie for Improvement’ Quotes     Page 3 of 3

Home Improvement: Roomie for Improvement

207. Roomie for Improvement

Aired November 4, 1992

When Mark comes down with the chicken pox, Tim reluctantly stays with Al in his apartment.

Quote from Al

Tim: Al, what's the matter with you?
Al: What?
Tim: She invited you over. She doesn't want to bake a cake. She wants to sample the Al dessert tray.
Al: I know that, Tim. It's just that she's on the rebound. She's vulnerable. I don't wanna take advantage of that.
Tim: Oh, Al. It's not like a beautiful woman stops by your apartment every day.
Al: Actually, she does.

Rate

Quote from Al

Tim: Hey, partner, I'll tell you what. Why don't we go down to Big Mike's, get ourselves some burgers, have a beer?
Al: Well, no, oh, no, no. Listen, this is our first night together.
Tim: Come on, partner. They've got that big widescreen TV they just put in.
Al: Well, I... I've got a roast in the Crockpot and I have some great entertainment lined up. I have a... I have a tape that I think you're going to like.
Tim: Road Runner? Terminator? Stooges?
Al: Even better. [home video plays] Do you recognize the little boy?
Tim: It's you.
Al: That's me, yes! That's me at three! My mother has 17 years of me growing up and she put them all on twelve eight-hour tapes. I have practically my whole life here for you to see.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Poor baby. You look exhausted.
Tim: Oh, I don't think I've slept for 20 minutes. You've never heard snoring like that.
Jill: Wanna bet?
Tim: I don't snore.
Jill: Then you've got a propeller up your nose.
Tim: He says he doesn't snore either. I got proof. I wasn't sleeping anyway, so I taped him.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Cynthia. Cynthia. Hello? The reason I'm staying here is 'cause one of my kids has chickenpox and I haven't had it.
Cynthia: Oh, you're married?
Tim: Yes.
Cynthia: To a woman?
Tim: Yes. Cut it out. This has nothing to do with him and I. He's not attracted to me or men. As a matter of fact, it's not my place to say it, but he's attracted to you.
Cynthia: Then why does he keep rejecting me?
Tim: I really shouldn't be saying this, but it's because he respects you and he wants to get to know you better.
Cynthia: Really?
Tim: Al is a tremendously sensitive man. And underneath all that flannel is a really big heart.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm sure he doesn't want me to tell you this, but without Al, I couldn't do Tool Time. Well, I could, but it'd be tough.
Cynthia: Tool Time is your show?
Tim: Tool Time is our show.
Al: Thanks, Tim.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Did you get up?
Jill: No. Did you?
Tim: Let's just stay here. [kisses Jill] Mmm. It's much better kissing you. Al's beard was so scratchy. At least you shave. [snores]

Quote from Tim

Tim: Al, as you know, it's Auto Week here on Tool Time. And we're celebrating our salute... to lubricants. That's right. Transmission fluid, grease, oil, gunk. Al, do you suppose if Ricky Ricardo, from the old Lucy Show. [grunts] had oil, he would have called it a "babaloobricant"?
Al: They're getting worse, Tim.
Tim: Yeah.

 Page 2
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode