Brad: I've gotta get away from Mom.
Randy: Why? Did she tell you the bra story?
Brad: No. She keeps bugging me about my new room. You know, having your own room isn't as great as you think it is.
Randy: Why not?
Brad: Because Mom says it's a privilege and with privilege comes more responsibility.
Randy: Sounds bad.
Brad: No kidding. I even have to do my own laundry.
Randy: Oh, man.
Brad: But it's not that bad. See, I figured it out. I'll only have to do it once a month if I turn my shirts inside out and, um, I wear my underwear three times.
Randy: Brad, do me a little favor. When it gets to the end of the month, stay in your own room.

Brad: I'm gonna kill you!
Randy: [high-pitched] But I thought you loved me.
Tim: Stop, stop, stop!
Jill: Guys, stop it.
Tim: What's going on?
Brad: He keeps bugging me when I'm on the phone.
Randy: He's on the phone 24 hours a day.
Tim: Don't use the phone so much.
Brad: I can't help it if I'm so popular.
Randy: [high-pitched] Well, I guess that's why all us girls love you.

Randy: Come on, Brad. Let me in.
Brad: No! You're gonna be out there for the rest of your life.
Randy: Well, there's no lock. You're gonna have to stand next to the door for the rest of your life.
Brad: Maybe I will.
Randy: Good plan, genius.

Randy: He won't let me into my own room. I can't even do my homework.
Brad: It's not just your room.
Randy: You think you own it.
Tim: Well, he doesn't own it. I own it. Actually, the bank kind of really owns it...

Mark: Dad, I don't wanna move in with Randy.
Tim: Oh... Mark, it may seem like a bad idea now, but a lot of times bad things turn into good things.
Mark: What could be good about sharing a room with Randy?
Tim: I've been thinking about it. Maybe you and Randy will get to know each other better. When I was your age, I moved in with Steve. You know Uncle Steve and I don't get along. When we moved in together, we got real close. After that, he didn't beat me up so much.
Mark: Really?
Tim: Yeah.
Mark: I guess that could be a good thing.
Tim: Yeah. And maybe you and Randy can gang up against Brad.
Mark: Yeah.

Jill: I can't believe you made a decision like this without me.
Tim: If you'd been in the room arguing with them, you'd have made the same decision.
Jill: No, I wouldn't have. I would have discussed it with the boys, waited for you to come home, and we could have discussed it as a family.
Tim: And after all the discussion, the boys would have been, what, 90?
Jill: Great. Make jokes.
Tim: OK. A crocodile and a giraffe...

Jill: Hi.
Randy: Hi.
Jill: Where's Mark?
Randy: I don't know.
Jill: Did you stuff him in one of these drawers? Not funny, huh?
Randy: It's about as funny as what Dad did.

Tim: Jill. Jill... We gotta talk.
Jill: No, it's not necessary. I've been thinking about what you said, and I think women do need to be more decisive. So I've decided that we should move my car into the garage - and your hot rod out to the street.
Tim: No.
Jill: And I should paint all your tools pink.
Tim: No, no.
Jill: I also decided that I'm not doing any more of your laundry.

Tim: It was bound to happen, I guess.
Tim: Yeah. There was a time my brothers didn't want me tagging around with them.
Jill: Did it bum you out?
Tim: Not really, 'cause I'd tag along anyway. Bummed them out.
Jill: I bet.
Tim: They'd go to the drive-in with their girlfriends. I'd sit in back and pop up when they were starting to make their move with a fright wig and... [makes gurgling noises]

Randy: [o.s.] Get out of my room!
Mark: [o.s.] It's my room, too! Hey, let me in! Get out of my room!
Tim: [fake sobs]
Jill: I just made another decision.
Tim: Puerto Rico?
Jill: It's nice this time of year.