Tim: Today, we're gonna show you how to soundproof as well as insulate the walls. Now, there's a variety of products you can use, of course. Acoustic padding, fiberglass batting, or very unattractive flannel. [points to Al's shirt]
Al: The easiest way to install your insulation is during construction, before you've put up your dry wall.
Tim: However, if the dry wall's already been installed in your home, we suggest the foam injection method. Heidi, the foam injector, please.
Al: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome.
Tim: For this method, you're gonna have to drill some holes.
Al: But first you wanna find a stud. [Tim dances] I said "stud," not "dud."

Tim: Guys, you gotta figure out a way to work this out by yourselves, all right?
Brad: Randy shouldn't even have a room. He should be at the bottom of Lake Erie with the other shrimp.
Tim: Brad!
Randy: Yeah, and you'd fit right in on Mars, where there's no sign of intelligent life.
Tim: First of all... they've never confirmed that. And second of all, I want you guys to shake hands and make up. Big brother, help little brother out.

Mark: Hi, Mom.
Jill: Hi, honey. What are you doing with that box?
Mark: Dad's making me move.
Jill: What?
Mark: To Randy's room. Now I get to beat up on Brad.

Jill: Tim!
Tim: Was that you, honey? I could hardly hear you. They had a whole bunch of chamois on sale.
Jill: How could you?
Tim: You said always look for bargains.
Jill: I mean about switching the boys' rooms.
Tim: Oh. I tried it your way. It didn't work.
Jill: My way was that we told them. Was I not clear?
Tim: We, we, we. It can be taken so many ways. To you, it meant "us." To the French, it means "yes." To this little piggy, it meant, "I'm going all the way home."

Tim: Honey, I don't need endless discussions to make a decision. Men assess a situation, boom - done.
Jill: Are you saying that men are more decisive than women?
Tim: Oh, it's a fact. [Jill scoffs] Come on. We don't shop for three hours for shoes and handbags. The first pair of shoes I see that fit, I buy 'em.
Jill: Even if they're sling-back heels?
Tim: If they fit.
Jill: You see? Just because men make hasty decisions doesn't mean that they're the right ones.
Tim: Men aren't yammerers.
Jill: Is that what you think? You think that I yammer?
Tim: Jill, you're a yammer-er.
Jill: Well, you're a yack-ass!

Tim: Evening, Wilson.
Wilson: Heavenly-ho, good neighbor.
Tim: What are you doing?
Wilson: Tim, I am shooting the moon.
Tim: Aren't you supposed to have your pants down for that?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. I'm taking time-lapse photographs. I'm tracking the path of the blue moon. I'm taking some very spectacular shots.
Tim: That's funny. Jill just took some spectacular shots at me.
Wilson: Something's out of orbit in the Taylor universe.
Tim: I suppose you could say that.

Randy: You think you could talk to him?
Jill: Would you feel better if things went back to the way they were?
Randy: I'd feel better if I had my own room.
Jill: Unfortunately, that's not gonna be an option.
Randy: So what are my options? Living with the dork or living with Brad who talks on the phone all day.
Jill: Honey, Brad is in junior high school now. He's got a lot of new stuff happening. He's meeting new friends, getting interested in girls...
Randy: Let me get this straight. Brad gets new friends, girls and his own room... and I get Mark?

Jill: But what I mean is... I got older, you know, and I got to have some of those same experiences. I can't say the shaving the legs part was so great, but then my sister moved out.
Randy: Then you got your own room.
Jill: No, then Dad turned it into a study.
Randy: Great.
Jill: Don't worry. I mean, with your father, you won't have that problem.
Randy: Yeah. Dad's idea of a study is a toilet and three hot-rod magazines.

Jill: You know, Randy, there are some advantages to sharing a room with a younger kid.
Randy: Such as?
Jill: Well, you have always wanted to have the upper bunk. You get to listen to more of your music, nobody can kick you out of your room.
Randy: Yeah... but I can always kick Mark out.
Jill: I didn't say that. Oh, who knows? Maybe just one of these days I'll completely lose my mind and let your father build another room.
Randy: I don't think so, Mom.

Tim: OK, OK, OK, I get your point. And I've decided that no matter what I do, those warts are going back to Bulgaria.
Jill: Why do I even try to talk to you?
Tim: The point is, we've got to get beneath the oily surface to the root of the boys' problem.