Wilson Quote #312
Tim: Boy, smells good! What are you cooking? Bison sausage? Yakwurst?
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. Just good old American sausage. My strange food days are over.
Tim: And mine have just begun.
Wilson: Well, you've had practice living the human experience. Me, I've gotta get down off my mountain top and join the real world.
Tim: You read that stupid review, didn't you?
Wilson: No, no, Tim. The critic was right. I've lost all touch with what normal people do. See, Tim, I've gotta go to monster truck rallies, buy fast food from the clown. Tim, I want to learn how to crush a beer can on my head.
Tim: That's not stuff you want to do. That sounds like stuff I want to do.
Wilson: Well, I've decided that being a little bit more like you wouldn't hurt. [crushes a beer can on his head]
Tim: How do you feel now?
Wilson: I hurt.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: I had been living with the Mara Masai tribe for six months. But I had been unable to engage their aged chief in conversation. I had all but given up hope, until suddenly I was summoned to his death bed, where he whispered in my ear the words I'll never forget. [speaks foreign language] Which, roughly translated, meant "Hidy-ho, neighbor."
Jill: So that's where he got it.
Wilson: And then we did the dance of death because the chief had died. [chanting in foreign language]
Tim: I think we know what killed him.
Quote from Tim
Wilson: I mean, have you ever been hammered by a reviewer?
Tim: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Wilson: Well, how can you not take it personally?
Tim: Hmm. Hmm. I'm reminded of one of the greatest entertainers of all time: Sammy Davis, Jr. He said, "I gotta be me."
Wilson: To think I've spent my entire life studying the Greek philosophers and it all comes down to Sammy.
Tim: When it comes to wisdom, there's nobody like the Candy Man.
Wilson: Tim, I want to thank you for not bailing out on me.
Tim: [imitating Sammy Davis, Jr.] Oh, man! Don't change, baby. I love you the way you are, man. I dig you, cat. I mean, cat, can you feel the love in this room? It's thicker than clam chowder, baby.
Quote from Bye Bye Birdie
Tim: I want Brad to be a good student.
Tim: So I told him that multiplying compound fractions is a real important part of that. But, you know, between you and me, it's kinda useless information.
Wilson: Well, I don't know about that, Tim. There was a time when I thought my extensive research into ancient tribal cultures, obscure scientific data, the thoughts of great philosophers, would never come in handy. Then you moved in.
Quote from Doctor in the House
Wilson: A Ph.D.?! Tim? Aw, Jill, Jill, Jill, Jill... Do you realize how many hours I had to study to get my doctorate in forgotten languages and extinct cultures? Oh, my, my, my. Sitting in that library, reading that insufferable microfilm till I thought I would practically go blind? Not to mention that to support myself, I had to volunteer as a subject for lab experiments. Oh, oh. And the thing that really irritates me about this whole thing...
Wilson: Oh, Jill, Jill, talk me down, talk me down.
Jill: I came out here so you'd talk me down.
Wilson: Oh, I'm sorry, Jill. I just lost control.