Al Quote #237
Tim: Um... It's hard to say how much thanks we have from everybody at Tool Time, which, of course, is a... a... a show that is a metaphor for how we live our lives in the '90s. I want to thank... everybody from Binford Tools. I want to thank Heidi, of course. My crew, if they can hear me out at the bar! My three boys for inspiration. And who am I missing? Um...
Jill: Your wife.
Tim: My wife. I'm sorry. And most of all, this man next to me, Al Borland, whose professionalism and class and dignity has been an inspiration to many of us.
Al: [in a mouse costume] Thank you, Tim. I, uh... Well, I just want to say that... that this proves that dreams really can come true. When I started out in this business... well, l... I lived in a hole in the wall. But... Well, I want to say did I give up? Did I run away with my tail between my legs? No! No! I went on...
Tim: And on, and on, and on. From both of us, thanks very much. And good night.
Quote from Heidi
Heidi: I got the expense report. You might wanna look at this before it goes to the boss.
Tim: Why do I want to look at it?
Heidi: Well, check out page two, under the heading, "Things Tim Broke."
Tim: Porta-Potti, 500 bucks. Mm, not bad. Plate-glass window, 275. Fuse and circuit breakers, 150 bucks? Look, do me a big favor. You know that Binford paper shredder?
Tim: Why don't you be a good friend and run this through that?
Heidi: Well, I can't. You broke it. 800 bucks.
Tim: Well, why don't you help me out here and find something that I haven't broken and hide it in there.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Where's Brad?
Tim: Oh. He's out raking the yard. Then I'm gonna have him clean the attic.
Jill: You think he's actually gonna learn anything from all of this?
Tim: When you did something wrong and your parents punished you, did you learn?
Jill: No. Except to try harder not to get caught.
Tim: Yeah. Same with me. This is the point in my life my mother was waiting for. [feminine voice] One day I hope you have a little boy just like you!
Jill: My mom said the exact same thing. I can't believe it's actually come true.
Tim: So what do we do?
Jill: I guess we just keep trying to be the best parents we can be, have a little faith... hope that someday he has a kid just like him.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.