Al Quote #216
Tim: You're gonna have a lot more fun tonight than we are.
Officer Keegan: That could be. No, no, no, wait. I got one more thing I gotta show you.
Tim: We gotta go, buddy. We're late.
Al: You have a badge? Did you also play Officer Krupke in West Side Story?
Tim: No, this is Officer Keegan. Precinct 29, Detroit Police Department.
Officer Keegan: That's right. You're under arrest for scalping tickets.
Officer Keegan: Yeah. Come on, let's go.
Al: I can't believe this! I open up to you by showing you my Pozzo, and you're taking us to jail?
Officer Keegan: Well, first of all, you're not a very good Pozzo. Besides that, scalping is against the law. So come on, let's go.
Al: This is all your fault, Tim.
Tim: Well, I probably could have talked him out of it, if you hadn't pulled your Pozzo out in the parking lot.
Quote from Wilson
Mark: Thank you for helping me with my school project, Wilson.
Tim: It's my pleasure, Mark.
Mark: You know, I've always been fascinated with papier-mache. You know, the name is French, but actually it was invented by the Chinese.
Mark: How do you know all this stuff?
Wilson: Mark, I have a tremendous amount of spare time.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Just relax. No one's going to know you're here. It's a holding cell in Detroit. Who's gonna see you here?
George: Hey, aren't you those guys from that TV tool show?
Tim: Yes, I'm Bob Vila, this is Norm. We're back together again.
George: No. You're Tim and Al! [laughs] I used to watch you guys at Jackson State Prison. You got a lot of fans up there. [they laugh]
Tim: Hey! Hey, that's great! Lot of fans up there. We got the 18 to life demographic.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.