Tim Quote #1153

Quote from Tim in It Was the Best of Tims, It Was the Worst of Tims

Tim: You know, I think guys are generally nervous about babies. Because, you know, you women do all the work, and then we have to sit back and think, "Will I be a good father to him? Will he relate to me?" Or even worse, what if he turns out to be a she? Then I have to protect she from all the he's.
Nora: You sound like you've given this a lot of thought.
Tim: Well, we had three boys. They were babies once, and they were really cool babies. I think men have a lot in common with babies. We both get real cranky if we don't get fed on time. We like to take naps in the afternoon. And I don't know a guy in the world that doesn't like a good game of peek-a-boo.

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 ‘It Was the Best of Tims, It Was the Worst of Tims’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Tim: What a great night with the boys, though. A lot of good food... Oh! [unbuttons belt] Ah! Ohh! I got some double-cheese nachos sitting right here. [burps] Ohh!
Jill: Tim!
Tim: Got a little gas ball moving, moving... [burps] Ah!
Jill: This is real attractive.
Tim: So... where were we?
Jill: It's kinda hard to remember.
Tim: This'll refresh your memory. [goes to kiss Jill; stifles burp] Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Mark was right. Ohh. You shouldn't have double onions on those chili dogs. Hello... [vents the bed sheet]

Quote from Tim

Tim: Anyway, today we continue our week-long salute... [drain gurgling] to plumbing. And joining us today is master plumber Felix Myman. Let's give him a big Tool Time welcome. Good to have you aboard, Felix.
Felix: Nice to be here, Tim.
Tim: Felix and I go way back, right?
Felix: That's right, Tim. I've been to your house for all of your plumbing disasters. [Tim groans] The water heater, the dishwasher, Jill's bathtub...
Tim: I think we get the point. Anyway, we'll try to get... [Al chuckles on the phone]

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.