Tim Quote #1136
Quote from Tim in Too Many Cooks
Tim: Come on, Al. You don't need me here. You cook well enough by yourself. I'm just a burden. I mean, how many guys does it take to lift a radish?
Al: Now come on. We promised Irma. And besides, tomorrow, I'm going to be cooking with poultry, and I'm gonna need some help.
Tim: Why don't you get one of your blue-haired groupies to help you out?
Al: I get it. Uh-huh. I see what it is. You're just jealous because now I'm the star.
Tim: The star? You're guest hosting a cable cooking show.
Al: Yeah, well, I know why you're backing out. It's just because you're not the center of attention.
Tim: I just don't like being your dopey sidekick. You know how demeaning that is? [Al looks at Tim] Don't look at me like that. This is not like Tool Time.
Al: Oh, no, no. It's not like Tool Time, because you're the star, and I'm the dopey sidekick!
Tim: I've never used the word "sidekick."
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Too Many Cooks’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant Al "This Land Is" Borland. Today we're talking about Binford's new high-tech security alarm systems for cars, 'cause a secure car... is a happy car. While a car that isn't so secure can cost you thousands of dollars in therapy fees.
Al: Now, the most inexpensive way to protect your car is with the Binford 6100 steering-wheel lock.
Tim: It's a good lock, Al, but if you've got a larger car - a monster truck, front-end loader or a space shuttle - you want the Binford 61,000,000. Now, there's a lock. Look at the size of that thing.
Al: Well, if you wanna go the more sophisticated route...
Tim: [English accent] You might wanna watch Masterpiece Tool Time with your host Alistair Bo-o-o-orland.
Al: Would that be an English accent? I was talking more along the lines of an electric car alarm, the most basic of which will go off if your doors or windows are tampered with.
Tim: Right, but you can customize. You can have automatic door locks, ignition cutoff, gas cutoff. And not a moment too soon.
Al: Oh, very funny, Tim. I'm sure our nursery-school viewers are rolling in their sandboxes.
Tim: [hisses] Now, if you wanna go the whole hog, you... No. You probably want the Binford Thiefbuster 1000. It has a personalized voice warning system. I installed it on this pony myself. [alarm chirps] Act like a thief.
Tim's voice: [on alarm] Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man!
Quote from Al
Al: Good night, Mrs. McDowell. Thank you for coming, Mrs. Yost. Remember the weather report from the kitchen - "Chili today, hot tamale."
Quote from Heidi
Heidi: Does everybody know who's in the kitchen?
Audience: Irma!
Heidi: That's right, it's Cooking With Irma... with special guest chef Al Borland!