Tim Quote #514

Quote from Tim in Where There's a Will, There's a Way

Tim: How long have you been working on that cabin, Al?
Al: About four and a half months, Tim. But that's only because I'm doing it the old-fashioned way - the sweat of my brow and an ax.
Tim: A pox on your ax, Al. This is what you need, buddy. [chainsaw motor runs as Tim holds up a picture] You know, the Binford 8200. 82cc's, 42-inch pro bar, silicone pistons, steel bucking spike.
Al: That's fine, Tim, but I'm trying to build it the way my forefathers did.
Tim: But, Al, three out of four fathers recommend this. [chainsaw motor runs]
Al: I prefer the ax, Tim. You power that yourself.
Tim: Fine. Build it the wimpy way, Al. But next time on Tool Time, I'm gonna show everybody just how to use the Binford 8200. [chainsaw motor runs] That way you can all learn how to build your own log condominium.
Al: Well, Tim, I think you should point out that that particular chainsaw is very powerful and dangerous... [chainsaw motor runs] and should not be... [chainsaw motor runs] should not be used without... [chainsaw motor switches on and off]
[Al finally grabs the picture of the chainsaw, rips it in two and signals for the sound to be cut]
Al: This particular chainsaw should not be used without the assistance of a trained... [Tim holds up another picture of the chainsaw]

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 ‘Where There's a Will, There's a Way’ Quotes

Quote from Jill

Jill: I want you to look at some of this stuff.
Tim: Oh, come on. It's tied and the Wolverines need me. Please? Please?
Jill: No, I need you. Come on, you can miss an inning.
Tim: Inning? Why do you always bug me during the football game? Did I bug you during childbirth?
Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.

Quote from Tim

Jill: "Upon your death, how and to whom do you want your assets to be distributed?"
Tim: Why are we always talking about my death? Let's talk about your death.
Jill: Statistics show it's much more common for the man to die first.
Tim: Yeah? Well, look what we have to live with.
Jill: And it's remarks like that that lead to those early deaths.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim, I'm gonna make an appointment with the lawyer. If you're even thinking about getting sick, go see a doctor.
Tim: Honey, I'm healthy as a horse.
Jill: Then see a veterinarian. When was the last time that you had a complete physical?
Tim: Honey, I... I go to the doctor all the time.
Jill: I'm not talking about the emergency room.