Tim Quote #433
Quote from Tim in Groin Pains
Randy: Yeah, but I can't fly. The school doesn't have the equipment.
Tim: They don't?
Randy: No, and nobody knows how to build it.
Tim: Nobody knows how to build it? [grunts]
Randy: Wait. Dad. Dad, no. Dad, cut it out. No. Dad.
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You wanna fly? I'm the guy who can fly you. A double-ratchet pulley system. Counterweight or something. I can get you flying at 90mph around that school.
Randy: Well, yeah. I'd rather prance. No one ever died in a prancing accident.
Tim: You know, as I see it, fella, you got two choices. One, you're soaring 30 feet in the air. Swooping, diving, twisting, turning over the audience, they're looking up going: "What's he flying for? What's he... What's he gonna do to us?" Or... prance around in that dorky little green outfit... wearing elf shows.
Randy: Fly me.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Groin Pains’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Mark: Do you have to go to the bathroom, Dad?
Tim: I don't think I... I don't think I'm ever gonna go to the bathroom again. Oh!
Mark: What happened?
Tim: I pulled my groin.
Mark: What's that?
Tim: My very favorite muscle.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Well, Wilson, I'm confused. You know, I'm carrying this trunk of books and I find out she likes these books about all these guys with rippling muscles, you know, so I wanted to, you know, show her my rippling muscles and these guys end up carrying women off upstairs to ecstasy and I pull a groin muscle.
Wilson: Well, Tim, Tim, Tim, I think you've got something over these young guys.
Tim: You do?
Wilson: Uh-huh. Yes, it's best summed up in an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes: [speaks Chinese]
Tim: W-w-wait, wait... Is that Peking dialect?
Wilson: I am so sorry, Tim. It may lose a bit in the translation, but it goes: "A great lover is not one who romances a different woman every night. A great lover is one who romances the same woman for a lifetime."
Tim: That's something to think about, isn't it? Is there anything you don't know, Wilson?
Wilson: I don't know.
Quote from Al
Tim: What happened is I pulled a groin muscle yesterday at home. I went to the doc's this morning. He said I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy. So we have to change the format of the show a little bit today. You're gonna have to do all the work.
Al: And what would the change be, Tim?