Wilson Quote #59
Wilson: Well, Tim, it goes back a million years. In order for the species to survive, Stone Age man had to seek out many different women.
Tim: Kind of a ménage a Flintstone.
Wilson: You see, Tim, there's something buried deep in your collective unconscious.
Tim: Yeah, my collective unconscious, yeah.
Wilson: Oh, yes, yes, yes. You still possess ancient man's primary fantasy to seek out many different women.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jill doesn't understand that.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Probably because a woman's primary fantasy continues to be a meaningful relationship with just one man.
Tim: Yeah, but I look at women because collectively I'm unconscious.
Wilson: In a manner of speaking, Tim.
Tim: So, it's in my nature to look at women, that means it's OK.
Wilson: It's OK if you're on the Serengeti chasing a wildebeest with a club.
Tim: But I was in a restaurant in West Bloomfield with my wife.
Wilson: Well, then I'd call it downright rude.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Tim, it's 45 minutes to our dinner reservation, so aren't you going to take a shower?
Tim: Honey. I don't need to take a shower. I have a natural, earthy, musky scent.
Jill: Quit that!
Tim: No, really. Stick your nose right there and tell me I don't smell like a man.
Jill: Yeah, Cro-Magnon man. [Tim grunts] And I believe he was never fully erect either.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Then why were you looking at other women tonight?
Tim: Why was I looking at other women tonight?
Jill: Are you stalling?
Tim: Am I stalling?
Jill: Why do you look?
Tim: There's a couple reasons. You have your primary reason and then your secondary reason. Primary reason first, followed by...
Jill: Tim. Why?
Tim: Could you repeat that question?
Quote from Tim
Man: Excuse me. Aren't you... [grunts] [Tim grunts] Boy, do I love your show. Hey, tell me something, though.
That AI, does he really know more than you or is that just an act?
Tim: It's just an act.
Man: It's a good one. [grunts]
Tim: [grunts] Why don't you go and sit down at your table, fella?
Quote from Bye Bye Birdie
Tim: I want Brad to be a good student.
Tim: So I told him that multiplying compound fractions is a real important part of that. But, you know, between you and me, it's kinda useless information.
Wilson: Well, I don't know about that, Tim. There was a time when I thought my extensive research into ancient tribal cultures, obscure scientific data, the thoughts of great philosophers, would never come in handy. Then you moved in.
Quote from Doctor in the House
Wilson: A Ph.D.?! Tim? Aw, Jill, Jill, Jill, Jill... Do you realize how many hours I had to study to get my doctorate in forgotten languages and extinct cultures? Oh, my, my, my. Sitting in that library, reading that insufferable microfilm till I thought I would practically go blind? Not to mention that to support myself, I had to volunteer as a subject for lab experiments. Oh, oh. And the thing that really irritates me about this whole thing...
Wilson: Oh, Jill, Jill, talk me down, talk me down.
Jill: I came out here so you'd talk me down.
Wilson: Oh, I'm sorry, Jill. I just lost control.
Quote from Not-So-Great Scott
Jill: I had a patient come in and tell me that she'd had an affair with Heidi's husband. Heidi found out about it because I broke confidentiality and told Tim.
Wilson: Ah. Now you're telling me.
Jill: Oh, my God! I did it again. I can't believe it! I'm completely hopeless. You know, I'm just lucky that my supervisor never found out what I did.
Wilson: Well, you are right because she could've lost her license, and you could've been kicked out of the master's program.
Wilson: Oh, really. Also, the school could've been sued, and you might've been written about in textbooks for future generations to study.
Jill: Wilson, you're not making me feel any better.
Wilson: Well, excuse me! Why do I always have to be Santa's little helper? Well, I mean, I have wants. I-I-I- I have needs. I have issues. But does anyone ever come to the fence and say, "Wilson, do you have a problem?" I mean, no! It's just "Me, me, me, me!"