Tim Quote #3537
Mark: Dad, can we stop? I'm really hungry.
Tim: How can you be hungry? Your mom just cooked us breakfast.
Brad: Did you eat it?
Tim: It was good oatmeal.
Brad: It was scrambled eggs.
Tim: Bad scrambled eggs.
Brad: Yeah. When I get married, I'm gonna make a woman prove to me that she's a good cook.
Tim: That's why you're gonna be 80, alone and very hungry.
Quote from Brad
Brad: Well, the one good thing about Tool Time being over is no more accidents.
Tim: We still have a house. You know what they say. Every year, over 100,000 accidents occur in the home.
Brad: And 99,000 of those occur in our home.
Quote from Tim
Tim: We're talking about family. It's way more important than any car. [off Brad & Mark's looks] Well, it's just as important as a car. More important than some cars.
Mark: Dad, check the gauge! We're out of gas!
Tim: Don't worry about it. We've got plenty of gas to get you guys to school and me to Tool Time.
Mark: Dad, we're on "empty."
Tim: It's a fuel gauge. "Empty" doesn't mean empty. It's just a guide. Don't you know that? We got 10 miles left. And it's only 5.3 to get you to school... Another 2.6 to Tool Time... You add those together, you... Um... Well, you add them together, you know, and... I don't know what it is, but I know it's less than 10. [engine stops]
Brad: Well, that 10 miles went by rather fast, huh?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.