Jill: Look, I know the video was bizarre. But isn't there something that you can do?
Tim: Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.
Jill: Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?
Brad: Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.

Wilson: Tim, let me ask you something. When you asked Mark to create this video, did you give him any guidelines?
Tim: Yeah. I said, it was my show, my show, my show.
Wilson: Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha.
Tim: Not much to go on, is it? It's like telling a guy to build a house without blueprints.
Wilson: Which is something you wouldn't do.
Tim: I might. I actually did once. That house was a disaster.
Wilson: Yeah.
Tim: But the ratings went through the roof, just like the water heater.

[As Tim bends down to pick up firewood next to the fence, Wilson slaps him with an animal hide]
Wilson: Happy Valentine's Day, good neighbor.
Tim: Why don't you just send a greeting card?
Wilson: Well, some historians claim that Valentine's Day can be traced to the ancient festival of Lupercalia. See, in Rome, people would slap each other using animal pelts, to heighten fertility.
Tim: We used to do that in high school. Using a wet towel would just heighten people's voices. [fake groaning]
Wilson: It is great fun, I'll tell you. I bet Jill would love to strike you with an animal hide.
Tim: I bet you Mark would like to take a whack at me himself.
Wilson: Yeah. Jill told me about the video.
Tim: I cannot show that video on Tool Time. On the other hand, I don't want to discourage the kid from doing something he's passionate about.
Wilson: So, in the words of the Anglican leader Lorenzo Dow, "You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."
Tim: You can go back to your lubrication festival.