TV Quotes

Tim: How's Brad doing?
Marge: Oh, his tests are almost done. He'll be out of Radiology in a minute.
Tim: I don't understand why I couldn't go in there with him.
Marge: Because you've had so many X-rays you glow in the dark.

Wilson: You know, Brad, you remind me of an Iban tribesman.
Brad: Yeah. I get that all the time.
Wilson: You see, the Iban live in Borneo. And they believe that evil spirits are the cause of all their misfortunes. So, every night they dance and they put on these strange wooden masks to drive the evil spirits away.
Brad: So, what does that have to do with me?
Wilson: Well, like the Iban, we'd all like to believe that outside forces are the cause of all of our problems. It gives rationality to our universe. But the truth is, sometimes accidents just happen.
Brad: So, you're saying that it's not my dad's fault that I tripped. And it was more or less bad luck?
Wilson: Yeah, I suppose so. I think the thing to do is just hope for the best and be open to exploring new paths. You know, the British author, J.M. Barrie said, "A man's life is like a diary in which he means to write one story, but ends up writing another."

Randy: Hey, Brad. Mom and Dad want you to come down for dinner.
Brad: Tell them I'm not hungry. I'm trying to finish this paper and do my math homework at the same time.
Randy: "The Franco-Prussian War was fought in the year 1870 minus the square root of 113."
Brad: Oh, man. How could I have done that?

Jill: Look, I know the video was bizarre. But isn't there something that you can do?
Tim: Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.
Jill: Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?
Brad: Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.