Brad: You know, I can't believe this. I mean, there's nothing they can do about this?
Tim: I'm with Brad. Somebody's got to be held accountable for this.
Jill: You heard the officer. There's nothing they can do.
Tim: Well, maybe there's nothing they can do. There's something I can do. I'm the guy that delivered a baby after being crowned "Car Guy of the Year." The same night! I'm the guy that built a lawnmower that can do 12 seconds in the quarter mile. I'm the guy that put a barbecue grill into geosynchronous orbit. So, don't you tell me there's nothing we can do. I'm The Tool Man! I can fix anything!
Jill: Okay. Fine. Then zip up your fly and let's go.

Brad: Well, my car got stolen.
Tim: What?
Brad: Yeah, right in front of the high school. You know, I always had a bad feeling about that place.
Jill: I can't believe it.
Tim: Did you call the police?
Brad: Yeah, I called the police. Then I had to ride home on that stupid yellow bus.
Tim: Well, what did they say?
Brad: "Hey, what's the cool guy doing on the bus?"

Wilson: You know, I was robbed once when I was 12. I was riding my brother's unicycle.
Tim: Did they steal one of your tires?
Wilson: No, no. This big bully came, pushed me off and took it.
Tim: What did you do?
Wilson: I didn't do anything. It was that hooligan Terry Zavacas. Sold it. I didn't have any evidence.
Tim: So you never caught him?
Wilson: Her. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I mean, just talking about it right now is just bringing up all these ugly memories. God, I hated Terry Zavacas and...
Tim: Wilson! Wilson!
Wilson: that sleazy band of...
Tim: Hey, calm down, buddy.