Tim Quote #3289
Quote from Tim in Ploys for Tots
Tim: Congratulations, Bill.
Bill: Thank you. Thank you. Now, when do I start the job?
Tim: Job? We're just playing a game here. There's no job.
Bill: I took a whole day off for nothing? I assumed there was a job.
Tim: Well, you know what happens when you assume. [chuckles] Well, what happens is Heidi's gonna tell you what you won.
Heidi: Uh... You won this key ring with a handy can opener.
Tim: There you go.
Heidi: There you go.
Tim: Yeah.
Bill: That's gonna come in real handy 'cause I'm about to open up a can of whoop-ass on the Tool Man.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Ploys for Tots’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I can't even imagine what he's going through, doing all this parenting alone. I mean, without Jill, I couldn't have had the kids.
Quote from Al
Heidi: Welcome to Remodeling Week here on Tool Time. Now, here's the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. Thank you, everybody. Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Grateful Tool Man" Taylor, and, of course, you all know my assistant.
[Jazzy music plays as Al walks towards the audience, who are applauding him, and salutes them]
Al: Okay, I'm a perch, I'll bite.
Tim: Well, Tim, it's Remodeling Week.
Al: I know that. Well, I've worn this shirt before, so now I'm re-modeling it. [laughs]
Quote from Tim
Al: Uh, all right. Well, over the years, we've shown you a lot of different ways to upgrade your home.
Tim: But when the job is big enough, it's time to ask for the expertise of a licensed, bonded, professional contractor.
Al: But finding a good contractor can be, well, as difficult as finding a date to the prom.
Tim: Yes, it can, Al. But this time, your mom won't bail you out. "Al, I can't fit in a limousine. Better use a backhoe."