Brad Quote #245
Mark: I'd love to go out with Erica. Just all she does is complain about her jerk boyfriend.
Brad: Mark, Mark, wake up. She's using you as her shoulder to cry on. You know what that means, right?
Mark: Yeah. She thinks I'm a girl.
Brad: No. No. She thinks you're a caring, sensitive listener. And when she finally breaks up with that jerk boyfriend of hers, you're in the pole position.
Mark: All I have to do is just sit on the phone and listen?
Brad: You don't even have to listen. Just pretend. Every so often say lines like "I sympathize with your needs." And when you want to whip out the big guns, try "I hurt when you hurt."
Mark: This is so devious. Thank you.
Quote from Tim
Al: You know, I never thought this would happen to me. I've always lived in someone else's shadow.
Tim: Well, growing up with your mom, I'm surprised you knew there was a sun.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, Tim, I can understand your concern for Al. But I'm also reminded of the Persian writer Nasir-i Khusraw. He said, "Though God creates the mother, the breast and the milk, the children must draw for themselves their mother's milk."
Tim: Wilson, you just gave me 12 horrible images.
Wilson: No, no, no, no. I'm just saying, just as the child learns self-reliance by separating from his mother, so the assistant learns by separating from the Tool Man. Maybe what Al needs is protection and support so he's not left hanging.
Tim: So I'll just buy him a sturdy jockstrap.
Wilson: Hello, horrible image number 13.
Quote from The Route of All Evil
Randy: Hey, Brad. Mom and Dad want you to come down for dinner.
Brad: Tell them I'm not hungry. I'm trying to finish this paper and do my math homework at the same time.
Randy: "The Franco-Prussian War was fought in the year 1870 minus the square root of 113."
Brad: Oh, man. How could I have done that?
Quote from Mark's Big Break
Jill: Look, I know the video was bizarre. But isn't there something that you can do?
Tim: Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.
Jill: Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?
Brad: Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.