Tim Quote #2863
Tim: Look what I found.
Jill: This is a joke, right? Is this what I think it is?
Tim: It was taped to the underside of the seat out there.
Jill: Oh, my God! It's marijuana.
Tim: That's right.
Jill: Well, do you think that this belongs to one of our boys?
Tim: Well, not unless we have a chipmunk that has glaucoma.
Quote from Al
Al: Oh... I can't believe I touched this bag! Oh, now my prints are all over it! Oh, man!
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Calm down!
Al: You know, this makes me an accessory. I could be charged with with possession of illicit drugs!
Tim: Al, Al, Al, stop, stop! Think for a minute. You found marijuana on my property. What does that tell you?
Al: I can no longer run for political office.
Quote from Al
Al: Well, hey! What's this?
Tim: What's what, Al?
Al: Looks like oregano. Does Jill keep it out here so it stays fresh?
Tim: Let me see that. It's not oregano.
Tim: This is marijuana.
Al: Jill cooks with marijuana?!
Tim: No, you idiot. Somebody's hiding this out here.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.