Al Quote #386

Quote from Al in What a Drag

Al: Well, hey! What's this?
Tim: What's what, Al?
Al: Looks like oregano. Does Jill keep it out here so it stays fresh?
Tim: Let me see that. It's not oregano.
Al: Tarragon?
Tim: This is marijuana.
Al: Jill cooks with marijuana?!
Tim: No, you idiot. Somebody's hiding this out here.


 ‘What a Drag’ Quotes

Quote from Al

Al: Oh... I can't believe I touched this bag! Oh, now my prints are all over it! Oh, man!
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Calm down!
Al: You know, this makes me an accessory. I could be charged with with possession of illicit drugs!
Tim: Al, Al, Al, stop, stop! Think for a minute. You found marijuana on my property. What does that tell you?
Al: I can no longer run for political office.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time on location. Here we are in Tim's very own backyard.
Tim & Al: [air blowing at them] It's Storm Watch '98! [Tim signals for the fan to be turned off]
Tim: Hi. I am Tim "The Weatherman" Taylor. And of course, you all know my assistant, Al "Nino" Borland.
Al: That's right. And we're here to show you how to protect your house and property from the ravages of a winter storm. [Tim makes blowing noises]
Tim: It's gonna be a long winter. Al's mom saw her shadow. Which is hard to do because she can't see her feet at this point, can she?

 Al Borland Quotes

Quote from Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from This Joke's for You

Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Tim: Al.
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.