Wilson: The 19th century English novelist Elizabeth Gaskell said, "The wise parent nurtures the desire for independence in order to become a friend and advisor when his absolute power ceases."
Tim: If an English novelist said that, how come it's not in English?
Jill: What he means is if we expect Brad to listen to us we've got to be on his side.
Tim: But we're not on his side, honey.
Jill: Yeah, but it's reverse psychology. We have to pretend we are.
Wilson: Well, that isn't the most honest interpretation of Miss Gaskell's words.
Jill: I don't think she'll complain. She's been dead 100 years.
Tim: Show a little respect. That's Eddie Haskell's mom, right?

Jill: Brad?
Brad: Listen, before you guys say anything, there's something I want to tell you.
Tim: You want to register at Toys 'R' Us?

Jill: Brad, do you think maybe you're moving a little fast in this relationship?
Brad: We're moving fast because we really like each other.
Tim: Brad, I think the point is she is three years older than you. And, um, we're just worried that maybe you're getting in too deep.
Brad: You're three years older than Mom.
Tim: Look how deep I'm in.